30 December 2006

Caught the train home from Hawthorn station last night so i think that was the Lilydale line... and it was a bit of an eye-opener, ya know. There were millions and millions of teenagers. Delinquent, teenaged, little fuckers. I dunno if they were all from the same school or what, but there were over a hundred of them on this train headed into the city for an underage night somewhere or something.

Anyway, i have never seen anything like it... As we all know, i grew up in various suburbs along the Frankston line, so i've seen/been my fair share of filthy public... but this was unreal. There were children, about 15 or so, hanging from the roof of the train, smoking on the train, letting off those fire cracker things you see at the soccer on the train. Not to mention mouthing off something shocking... This one woman asked one of the boys who was yelling at another person at the other end of the carriage "you're a muthafuckingpussy, you're a muthafuckingpussy" etc.. to mind his language. She was met with a finger in her face, "YOU'RE a muthafuckingpussy!"

They were gross. So the train driver kicked everyone off at Richmond, which would have really pissed me off if i wasn't getting off there in any case. Anyway i thought one of the little fuckers was going to get hit by a train as they all jumped off the platform and ran across in front of a train onto the tracks. Even the girls who looked like (only just) overgrown Bratz Dolls and sweet jesus, i'll admit that i have a potty mouth, but i have NOTHING on these girls. It was scary thinking of the trouble these kids could find themselves in.

So we're all at the station now, and they start letting off those cracker things again, then they pick a fight with a couple of smackies and i see this one little bastard tear past me wearing his oh-so-fashinable bandana across his face. Sadly he looked less like a cowboy, and more like a little terrorist waiting to happen.

It was kind of interesting, in that i didn't necessarily feel threatened as such by these children, but more scared about the trouble they would more than likely find themselves in that night. Boys pumped with red bull and testosterone and these girls just waiting to be abused in one way or another. And where exactly do these parents think their children are? Wouldn't you just die if you saw your kid on the news, beating up a smackie, after being filmed on the CCTV.

It was unreal. I felt like i wasn't in Melbourne and in some war-zone somewhere. That's how out of control these shit-bags were. Anyway, we got off at (lovely, clean, civilised) Cheltenham, where there are always teenagers just hanging out and this group of about 20 of them hopped off in front of us... i said i my friend, look at our teenagers down here... walking along in an orderly fashion, no pushing, swearing, fighting. Isn't it nice living in the South Eastern suburbs instead of those ungodly (evidentally) Eastern suburbs... it's not a cesspit down here afterall.

Anyway... i'm off to Sorrento for the weekend where i'm sure i wont find any more groups of marauding teenagers. Choke. Happy NY, yo.

done by Mars

24 December 2006

Thus Bakes* Zarathustra Mars

One sure fire way to make Chrimbo with the fam as painless as possible, is to kill them all with heart attacks. That's my plan, and if things go really well, i'll probably die of one too.

Rum balls. Not completely deadly... but a real pain in the jaxie to make, so they'd better be appreciated. Not recommended for consumption by children, quite rummy balls.

And also...

Step One! We can have lots of fun...

Step Two! There's so much we can do...

Step Three! It's just you and me...

Step Four! I can give you more...

Well, i can't give you any more, being as this creation didn't actually take any more steps than said three.

Step Five! Don't you know the time has arrived...

That's right kids, only one more sleep until the day we've been waiting for (in a car crash sort of a way) is once again upon us. Sure... we all want the presents, BUT AT WHAT COST?! My family is a pain in the clacker, and i can't wait until it's all over tomorrow and i can sit back with a bottle glass of wine and know that there's another whole year until i have to do that again.

So anyway, if your nana's cooking using pure LARD doesn't kill you, this slice of heaven sure as hell will... at the very least, it'll put you into a diabetic coma without too much trouble.

*aware that none of this actually constitutes baking, technically, but more... preparation, or something.

done by Mars

23 December 2006

these are mine! ahahahaha!!

they have a four and a quarter INCH heel!! they are insane.
they take me from a boring 5 foot 7 inches, to a giant 5 foot 11 inches.
i see the world from a whole new point of view, i see the world how Mars sees the world.

i love them and they make me love me.

done by Dot

22 December 2006

oh my dog, and then, i met kiki off the internet.... and he was so SO SO SOSO nice and totally awesome (and other similar adjectives) and i challenged him to a jager-bomb and he almost swallowed the glass wooping my shameless asss.... but i did okay for a girl. and i hate that preface, but when someone has no gag reflex, it seems and unfair advantage, so i lost, but i'm happy with my performance, and also, my spelling and grammar on this post.

goodnight team.

Done by Mars

20 December 2006

11 Spring Street - II

i walked over to 11 Spring Street today during my lunch break.
the people are gone, the hype is gone... and honestly, it looks like a big pile of vomit. there's rubbish all over the sidewalk, so many layers of paint have been thrown on the walls all images are indistinguishable, and it smells funny. okay, no smell. but crap all the same.

and the lesson i've learnt?
while street art might be driven by ideas of activism and subversion it is still validated by the response it elicits. maybe even more so than art that hangs in an art gallery. because street art is public and exposed, not mediated by curators, wall text, catalogues etc. and so when i saw 11 Spring Street today my gut reaction was 'ergh'. because it looks 'ergh', no more, no less. and there's nothing, no institutions, to sell it otherwise.

i love curators.

here is my tribute to the ephemeral nature of street art (and also my first ever youtube link):

don't watch it all, it's kind of boring...

done by Dot

18 December 2006

11 Spring Street

heaps of pictures can be seen here.

the story is told here.

and the New York Times puts the event into this monumental perspective:
"It was as if someone had told devotees of Picasso’s “Demoiselles d’Avignon” or Matisse’s “Dance” that the Museum of Modern Art had changed hands and would soon be shut down for residential redevelopment, with all the art inside to vanish as part of the deal."

basically the building at 11 Spring Street ("the most famous canvases and lodestars in the world for urban artists") has been sold and is going to be redeveloped. as a last hoorah the Wooster Collective has organised an exhibition with 45 of the hottest/hippest/dankest/darkest street artists from around the world, who have created new works within and without the building. the 'exhibition' runs for THREE DAYS ONLY and then the developers move in.

and i wanted to go!
and i went!
and the queue to get in stretched all the way around the block and was going to be a THREE HOUR wait to get in.

and i couldn't be bothered waiting and so i came home!

i can't quite work out whether i've made a terrible mistake or not.
i love art, i like street art (Melbourne is the stencil art capital of the world!)... but i'm no hipster and there seems something really ironic about having to queue for three hours to see STREET ART.
and anyway, 11 Spring Street is over? surely, if i wanted to wittness 'history in the making' i should have gone and had a look at the building earlier, like, three, ten or twenty-years ago?

pfft. do you ever get the feeling you missed the boat?

the queue that i was too impatiant to join...

done by Dot

17 December 2006

My blog is worth $15,242.58.
How much is your blog worth?

Err.. so, how do i sell? And am i expected to split said profits with Dot, considering i do all the work around here? Surely not. Sign me up, baby!

Incidentally, i'm over my sook now. Had a pretty nice weekend even though we were EXCLUDED from the biggest blogger meet-up since those conventions they have sometimes for the pros. Pack of snobs.

Ooh, and last night, i saw Katie-from-BB06 in the city. She totally tried to get in front of me while i was waiting for a taxi and i said "Katie, you can't just push in front of people like that"....
"Huuuuughhughughugh..." she crooned in my direction
"I knew that was you" says i, very matter of fact.
That was before i yelled down the street to my friends... "HAY! GUYS! it's Katie-from-B ig-Brother... right HERE *points in her face*"
The reply came from one of them... "What are you talking to her for? Stop talking to her! Stop yelling that out. Why do you even know what she looks like?"
And then, this taxi wizzed past me before slamming on the brakes about 3 milimetres from my nose, the door flew open and someone yelled at me to "get the fuck in the taxi!' and yanked me into the car.
i vaguely remember hanging out the taxi window yelling out goodbye to Katie-off-Big-Brother and that i never thought Jamie was good looking anyway, before they told me, again, to stop talking to her or they'd chuck me out of the car.
And then i passed out.

Done by Mars

15 December 2006

I'm about to have a sad.

My life is completely unfulfilling.

Work sucks, i've just spent all afternoon packing up my shit cause my team is moving into a new office, away from all the people i like working with.

It's Friday night, and i'm sitting home moaning, on the internet. I always go out of Friday night, and i feel ripped off at the fact that it's almost 7pm and i'm not pissed.

My friends are lazy losers/breeders/have plans. All of them.

I'm sick of couples. Especially at Christmas. If i hear one more person refer to someone as their boyfriend/girlfriend/other half/fiance/missus etc. i'll crack.

Where the hell is Dot when you need her?

I had pizza for lunch, that didn't make me feel better.

I had a bowl of ice-cream when i got home, that hasn't helped either.

Last night i spent about a million bucks at Chadstone buying Christmas presents for myself, which also hasn't helped.

I've had several cigarettes... useless.

My usual fixes for this state of mind have let me down; booze, fags, food, shopping.

What the hell am i supposed to do now?

(PS hi dave)

Done by Mars

11 December 2006

second celebrity sighting!

i saw this badass getting out of a limo on 5th Avenue.
his car was escorted by four black SUVs which blocked off the street while these commando guys with MACHINE GUNS patrolled the road.
it was a quiet Friday night on the Upper East Side so i think i was the only civilian to witness the spectacle. a woman in a black suit and a radio ear-piece told me to "just wait a minute" while Mr Important made the dangerous open-air walk from his car, across the sidewalk, and into the Neue Museum.
of course at the time i didn't recognise him, but guessed from the overkill security he might be Israeli. yes, turns out it is former prime minister of Israel, Nobel Peace prize winner and senior statesman Simon Peres.
he looked so small and scared.

Done by Dot

09 December 2006

Well, Victoria's burning down. I took this photo this morning while sitting of the steps of Spencer Street station (yeah, Spencer street, bitches) before doing the Walk of Shame. Haven't done that for years but it was my work Christmas party last night, i suppose it's to be expected.

Meanwhile, the engagement party i was talking about is on tonight... i'm still feeling rough as guts and it's started an hour ago. Blugh.

Done by Mars

05 December 2006

This chick wanted to bash me on Friday night.

Can't imagine why. Well... i can. It's because i have no self control and i can't just... say... shut the fuck up for once.... but instead seem to find the need to mouth-off a people on the street.

I was waiting for a taxi on King street for about half an hour on Friday night, right. Although it was actually only the first day of December, it appeared quite apparently that the silly season was yet again upon us, and suddenly taxis and all things transport-like at 3am were a signifficant commidity. For most of the half an hour i stood still, in the one place with my arm pointlessly in the air. I was pretty much asleep on my feet, i'd been drinking at a bar (with a tab!) since 5pm and was, quite rightly, rooted.

After realising that i wasn't getting anywhere fast and was quite likely about to fall asleep in the gutter, i started to do a panic. I ran across the other side of the street thinking that all the taxis were definitely coming from that direction. They weren't. So i went back where i was standing before, where a group had now congregated on my corner.

So this drunkity bird and her fella are walking past a dishevelled Mars, and she slurs in my direction... "You goin'a Southbank?"
"No" says i, "Cheltenham"
To which she responds "Pfft! Wouldn' even know where that is!"

At this point i should have walked away.
But i didn't.

"Well you're an ignorant FUCK, aren't you" spits i...

She spun around, suddenly quick and nimble on her feet and launched herself at me. Sadly for all involved, i'm all talk, and look less like this (which would have been handy) and more like this (which was quite useless). Being in no position to fight this girl, i squealed and ran into the middle of the group of people standing on my corner.

Thankfully for all involved (mostly me), the girl's boyfriend dragged her off home and i lived to tell the tale.

I've never been in a fight before (sibling fights don't count) and i'm not sure at 25 years of age, this is my time. I'm quite happy to have missed that boat... Anyway, things have really gone downhill for me in the way of mature, responsible behaviour since Dot left. I'm sure she'll use her absolute favourite word for describing me in the comments here... i await with baited breath.

Done by Mars

04 December 2006


And incidentally, Jules for President.

Done by Mars

28 November 2006

A lady should be reserved and demure, it is not proper to talk or laugh loudly as it attracts negative attention

Right. Measures need to be taken. In the last two weeks, not only have i been called a Toolie, but after my truly outstanding performance at drinks after work on Friday, i have also been awarded the truly revered honour amongst my colleagues, of the Friday Night Fuckwit. I'm all class.

Things Mars is going to do to better herself (and to help find her first husband)

Stop swearing - most uncouth
Road rage
Small out-bursts (occasionally) in private permitted

Stop getting legless drunk - it might seem fun at the time, but this sort of behaviour isn't going to attract a gainfully employed husband

Work on having a less aggressive and overall obnoxious personality
(if at all possible)

Stop declaring to the world that you're looking for your first husband
They don't get the joke
You will be introduced to your first husband as indicated in the picture. You will not find your husband and father of your un-born children by roaring around a pub proclaiming "my friend met her husband here! where's my husband? are you my husband? WHERE'S MY HUSBAAAAAAAND?!!" etc. and so forth

Walk properly. No slumping.

No snorting - Irrespective of how funny the joke was

Brush hair daily

Learn to cook, clean and become otherwise domesticated

No rolling of eyes or use of sarcasm

Eat more than one meal daily - this will surely make for more delicate portion sizes

Well, i think this list is a good start.

Done by Mars

22 November 2006


The Libs were down at the station again this morning , along with their conservative mobile (not at all ironic that's it's a 4x4 and Big Ted's major shtick seems to be the water, water, water issue... not at all related to global warming and the excessive emissions (not to mention grossly inappropriate for city driving) this type of vehicle create. No.) But yes, this dude, Hartney has been out in force, and he seems pretty nice.

I've seen him up at the station, at the shops, there are Liberal Party banners and posters all over the place, and people have posters on sticks in their front yard.. Meanwhile, i don't even know the ALP local member's name!

Now before you all declare that this is merely a reflection on me, i'm not actually enrolled where i live, which is why the issue hasn't come up before now.

But i've seen no advertising from any of the other parties, i wouldn't even know if there was a Green or Independent in contention. And i'm loathe to say it, but this dude really deserves to win..

(Just looked up the ALP member and it's Janice Munt. I know her! She's been around for years, i think she came to see us when we were still at school...i thought her name was funny then, and interestingly, it's only mildly less funny now.)

Hmm... just looked at the boundaries for Mordialloc, and it appears we're on the wrong side of the highway to even be in that electorate. If that's the case, i have NO idea who's in the running. Problem solved, i suppose.

Not that i'm enrolled here anyway.

All i'm saying is that the Libs are the only ones campaigning, even if they're not my Libs, technically.

Done by Mars

20 November 2006

This weekend, i was paid, quite possibly, the worst insult anyone has ever given to me. Call me fat, stupid, ugly, i've heard it all before... but this? This is an insult in the highest order.

On Friday night whist sipping my $1 champagnes in South Yarra, my friend happened to mention that she was thinking of going up to her holiday house in Philip Island over the weekend. This sounded like a pretty good idea to me, the weather was set to be nice, so i was in. There was a group of four of us (and a fucking dog, which will have to be a story for another time) who went down to the Island, just for Saturday night.

We got there pretty late in the afternoon, so delared it Wine Time stright away and we set to getting ready to go out. Had dinner at this pub somewhere... San Remo perhaps and then decided to go into Cowes to see what else was happening. So the four of us were standing at this ATM, waiting to get money out so we could go get some more drinks, when this P plater Commodore comes screaming up the main street of Cowes, packed with boys.

The thumping street machine flies past us and one of the boys is hanging out the window and yelling in our direction...



The four of us were standing there perplexed for a moment, as we all watched this car zoom past us, and what they had said started to sink in a bit. We all then, temporarily, turned into our mothers and tried to figure out what a toolie was, exactly.

That established, we proceeded to use our fine powers of duduction and figured... well, if we're toolies... that must mean that there's some schoolies somewhere near by. Bloody brilliant!

We, again, turn into our mothers and wonder if school has finished already... "no? i can't have!" and how these things just seem to come about so fast these days etc..

A few minutes later it really started to sink in though. HANG ON A MINUTE! I'm not a toolie! And if i am, does that mean i'm...sniff...old?


So there you go. Me. A toolie.

Done by Mars

18 November 2006

hot and bothered in Hell's Kitchen

i'm staying in a studio apartment (modern day tenement housing) in Hell's Kitchen (near Times Square), and it's damn damn hot in it. generally i find they heat the buildings too hot for me in North America, but this is the most ridiculously hot i've ever been in 26 years of experiencing different temperatures.

every time i enter the building i break out into a sweat, and by the time i've come up the stairs and entered the apartment i feel like i'm going to faint. so it's then this mad rush to strip down to my underwear and go stand by the OPEN window (i have to leave it open all the time). and sometimes i have a cold shower. and sometimes i've even resorted to turning the air-conditioning on.

anyway! so i was all hot and bothered tonight and it got to the point where i had trouble breathing. so i decided to take a walk.

about 15 minutes later i was starting to feel better when i noticed shop selling 'Soy Bundts!' having no idea what this was i wandering in for a peek and discovered a bundt is a little cake that looks like it's been cooked in a jelly dish.

i decided a bundt was not for me, and turned to leave the shop... at this point i noticed the one other customer in the shop looked very familiar. so very obviously i turned around to study the bundts some more... while slyly glancing at the man standing next to me.

the customer got his bundt and left.
the girl behind the counter asked me if i wanted anything.
'did that guy look familiar to you?' i asked
'yeah... he's in the Wedding Singer' she replied.
'oh my gawd! it's Constantine!' i blurted.

that's right, Constantine, the 'New York rocker' with smoldering glances from American Idol Fame, now staring in the Broadway musical The Wedding Singer as 'best man'... was buying a bundt!

i wish i had of said something to him. i knew he was in The Wedding Singer. that's it, if i see him again, he's mine.

anyway, so I brought a ‘pumpkin soy bundt’ and returned home from my walk more hot and bothered than ever.

done by Dot

16 November 2006

So... not only is Kate Cebrano a completely crap singer, she also fraternises with the enemy.

Kiss me, kiss me, pash me..? GET FUCKED. And how 'bout you leave the wearing of the beret to us latte sippers.


Done by Mars

11 November 2006

yesterday it rained.

and rained. and rained. like heavy, constant, water... falling from the sky. it was amazing. i've never experienced so much rain in my life.

i was squelching around Soho in my Dunlop Volley's getting really wet, and it was dampening my spirits, so i took my first step towards assimilation and brought...


yes, it's New York chic to get around in a pair of gumboots (or 'rain boots' as they call them). i reckon at least one in every five girls i saw was wearing a pair, and they have all different cool colours and styles.

my gumboots are plain black, but have all these cool buckles on them. i love them and even wore them out to dinner with Blane's parents last night.

Done by Dot

08 November 2006

Well, today has certainly been exciting in the way of news... I've been off work sick (fucking again!), so i'm all over the news coverage.

Two occurrences, which let's face it, were inevitable, finally happened...

Britney and K-Fed are finally getting divorced! This ship was sinking from the day it set sail, so it's no great surprise to anyone, i wouldn't have thought. Hallelujah, i hated that cretin much more than i ever hated that money grabbing whore-bag ahem, Britney.


The Reserve Bank announces more interest rate rises. Hooray for the Reserve Bank and those multiple-property-owing bunch of baby boomers, ruining the world! (sorry mum, dad... but your generation is really bringing us down with your super pay-outs and refusal to change your ways and acknowlege that we have a bit of a problem with that "environment" thing.) So, TAKE THAT you bunch of Liberal voting bastards... the third interest hike this year. The joke's on you! I can't even afford to buy dinner, let alone a house... doesn't bother meeee!

And two other things that warm the cold, grey heart of little Mars...

Poor W, i feel really, really sorry for you. I think the term used to describe you was "a lame duck". This should slow you down you absolute fruit.

Also, possibly the BEST thing that's happened to me in a long time is about to happen... Hold on to your hats, kids and strap into your seats this Thursday at 9.30pm... the new season of the Amazing Race is about to begin! My god, i'm wetting myself in excitement. Bit sad that Dot can't be here to enjoy it with me, but oh well...her stupid fault for timing her holiday badly. What an idiot!!!

Done by Mars

06 November 2006

Get this...

I'm going out in Frankston tonight.



What the hell does one wear to Frankston?

UP LATE UPDATE: Thankfully, i am missing the gene that makes it possible to rock out to cover bands. Those things should be illegal.


Done by Mars

05 November 2006

This is what we're up against...

Done by Mars

There's a dead mouse in my kitchen. Why does this have to happen not even two days after Dot leaves, and i'm here on my own? Why?!

Fucking fuck, fuck fucking fuck.

I can cope with dead bugs, but this is an animal, and it's still got eyes that are open, and looking at me. Mwaaaah!

What has this place become.. A cemetry for dead animals or something?

Not coping, internet

Done by Mars

03 November 2006

Van Dam it's Friday!

I'm mildly drunk, and i'm feeling ripped off. Two more drinks and i'd be there, but this feeling i've got now sucks. It's like... you're about to orgasm, and then it's stolen from you in just one moment. A giant rip off where everything in the world is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

I must be more drunk than i thought, i'd never say that sober. Not that i'm actually saying it now, i suppose... i'm typing it. And you don't know me.

Yo, i'm ripping off D'Jen and Lulu in their 365 day self portrait project. I started on 1st Nov and am going strong. If you'd like to see my photos, and i deem you awesome enough/not likely to stalk me, you may email me for the link. mememars [at] hailmail [dot] net. Losers or people i'm likely to see hanging around the train station need not apply.

Done by Mars

02 November 2006

Hi everyone,

I'm going to New York for a few months.

I will still write regulary but I might start lying and exaggerating because it makes for more interesting reading (and I don't want Duckie/The Intruder knowing everything.)

Love Dot


31 October 2006

Today marks the 10 year anniversary of living in Melbourne for me. For those who don't know (and i will assume that's most people, besides Dot and The Intruder), i grew up in Perth. I was born in Melbourne, spent 10 years in Perth, and then came back to Melbourne again.

Our move back to Melbs was somewhat unorthodox in the general interstate movings of families, in that when we left Perth... only me, my mum and the Milky Bar Kid came to Melbs. Dad pretty much got left behind 'to tie up lose ends' and once all that had been done, my mum called 'barleys!' and that was the end of the unit as i knew it. Pretty fucked up way to do things, and a bit shit dealing with my parents separating, plus starting a new school and trying to make some of those friend things, not to mention VCE. Needless to say, this has been an eventful 10 years.

I haven't always appreciated Melbourne. It wasn't until this month that i first went to Chinatown. I rarely go to Lygon or Brunswick streets. I try to avoid Chapel street and St Kilda if possible. I'm not really into the beach or the sport. I loathe shopping. And aren't all these the things which are supposed to make Melbourne great?

Which makes me wonder what it is exactly, that i do love about this city...

I love St Kilda road in autumn with its beautiful changing trees and the rattling of a tram.

And the view of the city at night coming across the Bolte Bridge is second to none. The view going across the overpass through the Crown Tunnel on King street, looking back across Southbank is third to none...

I love the atmosphere in the city when something is happening.

...the beach at Bonbeach in the summer and the pubs in Mornington on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

And that trams are free (!).

And it's awesome that my entrire family lives in this state.

I guess these things are all pretty superfical... and home is where-ever you make it, isn't it? Well, i suppose i choose Melbourne by default... i don't think i could leave for any length of time again, i've been infected (no, not by the dirty needle on Elwood beach). So happy anniversary Melbs, looking forward to the next 10 years!

Done by Mars

29 October 2006

the city i live in
I took this picture on my phone on Friday night... We had this work function on, and this was the view.. Wish i had a real camera.

Feeling a bit panicy tonight... i always get a bit like this when i feel like i'm losing control of things in my life. For as long as i've existed i've always been completely shit at managing money. Possibly, the worst money manager evah in the whole entire world. Before i went on holidays, i was going pretty well... there was a plan and i was sticking to it. But since i've been home, it's been out of control. Somehow, my brain seems to have come to the conclusion that along the way, Mars has become a millionaire... and i've been spending money and racking up debt accordingly.

Things at work have become a bit screwed this week also. There's been a big restructure, and basically i'm ending up back where i came from a year ago. Same job, but the old manager will be back... so i'm not keen on that prospect and am sort of thinking about getting a new job, but then i hate being the new kid and am a big chicken, so i'm completely in two minds.

And i guess the healthy eating/living thing has taken a bit of a bashing of late too.

So yeah... things are feeling out of control, i'm tired and doing a small panic.

Done by Mars

25 October 2006

Thanks to Dot, and the revolution of modern-day germ travel... i, a beacon of good health, have been infected with whatever germs she was expelling. Makes me really furious having to waste perfectly good sick days on actually being sick... it's not even sunny, i can't even work on my tan, there's no-one around to talk to and SWEET JESUS, i am bored!

Anyhoo, this is not the point to the post. You see, as my parents were determined to wrap my brother and i in cotton wool until we atleast 30, we quite seriously we're allowed to watch any movies with the rating MA15+ until we were about 18. I can distinctly remember my brother trying to watch one of the Terminator movies and me sqeeling the roof off at about 14 years of age, being absolutely terrified. To this day, i can't watch scary movies at all, i completely pack myself and become a blubbering mess... and if i do manage to actually sit through it until the end, i have nightmares for the next month. I was even petrified of that giant dog thing in the Never Ending Story... and don't even get me started on the Labirynth.

I shit you not.

So.. what i am getting at here, is that there have been quite a few classic films that i've never actually seen, given my limited exposure... and i'm now taking suggestions. I'm heading down to the video shop today and this is the list i've come up with so far...

Blade Runner
Princess Bride
Apocolyse Now

I'm sure i had a longer list than this.... oh well...


Done by Mars

23 October 2006

I've changed the template. I like it... I've only seen one other blog with this template, so i hope she doesn't think i've stolen it directly from her. Been looking around for a while for a new one, and this was the best. Quite obviously.

In other news, it seems that blog-life and real-life for Dot and Mars, have at last, become one. We seem to have been outted by one of Dot's intrusive friends... i'm sure she'll tell you about the situation sooner or later... meanwhile, i expect the individual concerned will keep checking back obsessively for any reference to him. Pfft.

The party was ok. No scandals. I got drunk and went to bed pretty early. Cheapest taxi ride i've ever had!

I'm pissed off about the blog situation, i'm pissed off about work. It's all turned to shit.

Anyway, hopefully the new template will improve things... here's hoping.

Done by Mars

21 October 2006

Can't possibly do a new post, as it would absolutely pale in significance to the retro-genius that is Dave Mack.

He's back, and better than evaaaaaaar! And he's having a party, and EVERYONE's invited.

Incidentally, so are we. So maybe we'll post tomorrow, but no guarantees.

Done by Mars

16 October 2006

At work last week we were talking about tattoos, who had them and where etc. Most people were showing off their wares and explaining their choices, and for the most part, it was pretty interesting. Unsurprisingly, a few people had these Asian symbols that were all the rage... these two yobbo blokes with Asian symbols were given the hilarious (in at least five different ways) nick-name of the Lemon Chicken Brothers. Needless to say, they weren’t amused… I was though, and the shittier they got, the funnier the whole situation became.

I later met a friend from school for dinner, and she suggested going somewhere in Chinatown. I'd actually never been there, so thought why not. We got seated and the longest menus in the history of the world were handed to us. My experience with Chinese food over the years has been somewhat... limited... and i was quite embarrassed to go the safe option and order the Lemon Chicken.

The final humiliation of that meal was when i had to ask for a fork to eat my Lemon Chicken. Don't think i didn't realise the ridiculousness of the situation at the time... I went bright red, woofed the Lemon Chicken, while trying not to look too closely at the "chicken" and work out which part of the animal it actually came from.

We walked around to Federation Square for a drink and i later caught the train home. I was walking along the tracks taking a short-cut home after getting off at the station, and the Lemon Chicken had come back to haunt me and had given me hiccups. This alley is dark and skinny and it's always a bit creepy walking through there. So i checked behind me to see if anyone else were following me down there: Clear. So proceeded to hiccup my way home.

Suddenly, i caught a glimpse of a shadow behind me, turned around and there was a man right there, practically walking on my heels. I packed myself, made a loud gasp! noise and said to the man, "Christ, you scared the hell out of me!". He assured me he wasn't dangerous and i beleived him (though i did speed up..). After walking a few more steps he called after me with great amusement.. "Hey, atleast i cured you of your hiccups!"

Don't think i'll order Lemon Chicken again.

Done by Mars

15 October 2006


i live around the corner from my parents. it's nice in emergencies, and i'm glad Mars can take advantage of this security blanket too. finding herself locked out of the house last night she walked over to my parents house. it was 2am and they were asleep, so Mars found the key hidden in the garden, let herself in, and tucked herself into my sister's bed (my sister was at her boyfriend's place).

i then came home half hour later and looked at my mobile. Missed calls: 10. Messages: 1.
message from Mars read: "Dot, i am locked out. Would u come and get me when u get home please. i am in your sister's bed. Thanks."


Done by Dot

14 October 2006

You know, this came to me the other day and i thought while we're all getting retrospective about our siblings, i'd share it.

I have a younger brother and we went to a school where the primary and secondary school were on the same campus, so we caught the same school bus home.

He was new at the school in year 7, which was his last year of primary school, and was in year 10 so had already been at the school two years. Anyway, as you would imagine, i didn't want ANYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD knowing i was related to him.

Until one day on the school bus on the way home, some kids, quite rightly, decided that my brother looked remarkably like the Milky Bar Kid. I was mortified. But my brother did one of the coolest things i've ever seen a little kid do, while all these year 11 and 12's were teasing him...

He stuck his head out the window of the school bus, and yelled at the top of his lungs... "THE MILKY BARS ARE OOOOOOOOOOON ME!"

They all laughed and cheered.. and i thought two things. Firstly, i'm so telling mum you stuck your head out the school bus window... and, YOU LITTLE FUCKING LEGEND.

And for that moment, i was proud to be his sister.

Then we went back to hating each other.

Done by Mars

08 October 2006

Mars, circa 3pm Sunday...
(she was out till 11pm last night!)

Done by Dot

07 October 2006

It's times likes these when Dot'n'Mars HQ needs a man.

And no, Emo is not a man. Besides which, he's finally cleared out. Thank dog!

There's a dead bird stuck on our back fence. The thing obviously had string stuck to its leg or something, and it's got stuck on the fence while it was flying over. Now it's dead, and still stuck there.

Anyone who wants to come over and remove said bird will be duely rewarded with...




Any takers?

Done by Mars

19 August 2006

Trying to avoid this ghey look
I just went fishing amongst the junk in our spare room, and managed to a) locate my backpack and b) get it out. Quite an achievement in itself, really. Anyway, i've since decided that my backpack is too big for me to take away this time.

It's 70 litres i think, and last time i went away (although, i was going for a year so had to pack a lot of stuff) i managed to fill it to capacity to the point where it weighed about 25kg, and i actually couldn't pick it up. I shit you not - i couldn't lift my own backpack. Sometimes i'd try, and get knocked over by it when i tried to swing it up onto my back.

At first, i though that was pretty average, and everyone's backpack was difficult to manage. Then Dot came to meet up with me at the end of my trip, and she had this glorified SCHOOL BAG which she managed to casually sling onto her back. It was then i realised that i was being quite ridiculous about the size of mine.

So the point to this story is this. My backpack has three separate compartments... and i'm going to go away only filling ONE! Let's see if it's possibe, eh..

Also, i want the internet's opinion on the day pack.
Are they wank, or handy? Am i going to regret it if i don't take mine?

W00t. I feel like i'm entitled, somewhat, to use that lingo now that i have PROVED my technological skillz by creating my very first web-poll. Check it. Over there, in the side bar, fools...

Impressed? I know i am.

17 August 2006

Gather 'round kids, we've got a new inductee into the 21st century.

Here's Dot, who's bought the cheapest portable telephonic device... no, that's not right.

It's a MOBILE PHONE! Yes, the cheapest mobile phone money can buy.

It's such a larff some of the very dodgy text messages she's trying to sending out advertising her new found technological skillz to anyone who cares.

The transfer of hard data into digital data (as they call it in the industry), happening right before my eyes!

14 August 2006

uh-oh spaghetti-o's. haven't visited here since i started my new career in the world of 'data entry' (we in the industry call it DE) and it seems like while i've been away the shit has hit the fan. er... so is Emo really that bad? (or, Mars, are you suffering from serious diet-coke withdrawals?) he deserves at least another perspective. like. he's not THAT bad. so here is...

my case for Emo

  1. last week i only saw him TWICE (last housemate of mine LIVED on couch and drove me crazy with his eternal 'BEINGNESS of around me' all the time)

  2. one of the times i saw Emo he was dancing around in the kitchen cooking his two minute noodles while wearing an orange wig. cute, heh?
  3. he somehow manages to be sincere and shallow at the same time. like he's big on not being materialistic, however he hasn't quite worked out that by not owning anything he has to then take from everyone else (ie food, our house). but he's only first year philosophy, so i reckon but the time he gets to second year he'll have worked out the flaws in his zen.

  4. he says i have a cool cd collection (it's easier to admire when it's alphabetical)

  5. he is easy to talk to and doesn't seem judgemental at all

  6. he is very young and from the country

  7. what he does in his room (and in his bottles) is up to him, and as far as the rest of the house goes his presence isn't felt that much (Mars, i know you disagree here but he doesn't smell that bad and i told him to only use my plates and cutlery)

this is not permanent. he is just staying here until he finds somewhere else, and i WILL get on his case eventually. when you are overseas Mars it will be uni holidays so i'll encourage him to leave then (that's if he doesn't leave earlier... he might actually hate it here. we do have a website that currently focuses on bitching about him a lot and i'm sure his badly tuned zen must be picking up some of this around that house.)

so that’s my case. Emo’s okay. and i’ve got a quota of 2500 pieces of data per week to be thinking about…

11 August 2006

Here's the thing, roigh.. i'm growing to hate the Emo. Like, hate his guts. And Dot, well, she just doesn't care. She doesn't hate the Emo, for reasons i'm sure she will elaborate on, once she has read my character assassination about to happen here.

I know we've mentioned that we have an Emo, but the details have really been somewhat.. less than elaborate. When the Emo first moved in, he said to me verbatim..
"Ohh, i'm probably, like, only gonna stay a week.. or like, a month"

Four weeks, roigh? So the four weeks is up this weekend, and Emo seems to have settled in nicely here at Dot'n'Mars HQ, with no immediate plan to like... fuck off. Ya know?

And while i sort of feel sorry for him, in that he's only 19.. from the country and has no money and stuff.. increasingly, i am wondering why exactly, this is now my problem. According to him, living without any money at all is "enlightening" and he tries to get by not spending more than $10 a week on food. This is all well and good... if that's the lifestyle he chooses, good for him.. but it doesn't really stop there. The other day i went to make a sandwich, knowing i had some cheese... go to the fridge to get the cheese out and find an empty cheese wrapper! My blood boiled, i absolutely seethed and threw, what could only be described as a complete tantrum, the likes of which you have only witnessed on a two year old.

Sadly, no-one was home to witness it.

I know it's only cheese. And he did bring home more that night. But that incident has piled on top of other things and it pissed me off rightly. I mean, i really went off him when i saw that blow in the bottle. Yeah, that was the beginning of the end for me and Emo.

The other fucking annoying thing he does is take really... really.. long showers. Like, he stands under there for atleast 20 minutes, doing what - i have no idea. (anyone suggests wanking in our shower and i'll fucken neck 'em) But get this.. he doesn't have any soap. He stands under the shower for 20 minutes wasting all the hot water and doesn't even use soap! It's like cooking for a bulimic. What's the fucking point?

And then tonight, i heard him using my hair dryer. What the fuck? Does he just think everything in this house is here for him, or what?

I'm getting to the point where i want to collect everything that's mine from around the house and keep it in my room. And i think that's really unfair on me. We're all adults, surely we can restrain ourselves not to use things that aren't our own? He doesn't seem to realise that things don't just exist.. someone owns those.

He makes me feel mean. And i'm really trying not to be mean.. but at the same time, i don't feel like i owe him anything. The other night, Dot and i were cooking this gourmet stir-fry... it was fucking great. Anyway, Emo wanders in with this freezer bag and in it were 3 unwashed potatoes. They looked like something he’d just dug out of someone’s veggie patch, and this is what he was eating for dinner. Potato. I felt really stingey and tight and had a serious battle with my conscience about not offering him any of our stir-fry... And then i thought about it, and honestly couldn't ever picture the day that he would go shopping, come home with all these ingredients and cook us a meal. I know it's not necessarily tit-for-tat, but you've got to put in to take out, right?

He seems to have no respect for what is essentially, our home. The mess he's made of the sun-room is unbelievable - and the smell! It leaks out from under the door and permeates the whole bloody house. I feel like my mother.

I know this is a bit of a whinge, but i really want the internet's opinion as to whether they think i'm being unreasonable towards Emo.

He eats my food.
Uses my stuff.
He fucking stinks.
He was only supposed to be temporary.
And worst of all - he displays blow in a bottle as "art"

Shoot me now.

10 August 2006

Hey yo, get this... on the census, Dot and I put ourselves down as a de-facto couple*

Power to the lesbots of the world!


*Even though we are not**
**This method of referencing seems to have become quite popular on the interwebs, non?

08 August 2006

why haven’t i blogged lately?
it’s because i’ve been busy falling into a deep depression. it started when i returned from the Northern Territory and realised i can no longer really call myself a student, and it climaxed Saturday afternoon when i found myself sorting my CD collection into alphabetical order… i hate to say it but - i’m bored!

anyway, thanks to ‘XTC’ going cheap at JBs i now own a CD starting with every letter of the alphabet.

07 August 2006

I must be desperate. I've just spent 2 hours talking to Emo, when i should have been doing my essay.

The essay which was due on Friday. The essay which i took today off work to do. The essay which is still, at 10pm, not done.

Very fucking average human.

06 August 2006

As we know, Dot had a recent clean out of her wardrobe, so being as i am procrasting about writing my essay which was due last Friday, i thought i'd have a bit of a clean out too. And now, i pose this question to the internet:

How much camel is too much camel?

Camel Cords.

I know, ew. Too much camel already, right.

Relax! They're out. O. U. T.

Camel cord skirt.

It much have been a phase.

But yo, this skirt is Marks and Spencer.

Exotic, non?

Camel pleather jacket.

Yes. Pleather.

This jacket really reminds me of Inspector Gadget... but i bet he had more taste than to wear pleather.

(Shut up Dot, you have a pleather couch, if i'm not mistaken!)

There was more camel, but thankfully, i must have gotten rid of it before now. Which i guess brings to my next item. This one has sentimental value, i've had it for years, and you sure can tell.

It's time to go... the Rusty t-shirt.

I bought this t-shirt back in year 12 when i was FREAKING OUT (as i like to do) the night before free dress day. It's served me well as it seems to have grown with me, though it has been relegated to a pyjama t-shit for about the last seven years.. to the point where is in now completely see through, and has atleast 10 holes in it. It's indecent, and Emo (probably) doesn't deserve to be subjected to seeing me wear this old faithful. Sad.

As for this one though...

They'll have to bury me in it.

04 August 2006

Now, i dunno much about anything, but i'm pretty sure Ghandi was a bang-up tip-top sort of a guy. A real winner, if like, a lasting impression on the world is what you were going for.

Doubt i measure up. We all know i am the love-child of Gough and Joan Kirner anyway... i may not be pretty, but i sure do have a vision.

01 August 2006

Dear god i am FREAKING OUT.

FREAKING THE FUCK OUT! i have to tell the internet. The internet will help me through this moment...

Emo has returned after a three day drug binge absence. So i am standing there in the kitchen and he opens the door to his room and we are chatting. Normal, like. And i notice something behind him sitting up on the shelf...

"What the fuck is that"? i ask, looking in its direction.
"Ohh..heh.. don't ask.." is the response i'm met with.

Let me paint the picture. An empty naggon of Jim Beam. A cenitmetre of white liquid in the bottom.



There is spoof in my house.

Spoof on the shelf.

Bottled spoof.

That's disgusting. That's foul. That's fucking off. I declared as i'm walking out.

Spoof, people. SPOOF! On the shelf!

Internet, tell me i'm not over-reacting.
a day at the races
i went to the opera on Friday and saw 'Don Giovanni'. it was fine. it is in English, which i hoped would help me appreciate it more. however, when you know what they are saying it's quite repetitive and silly and distracting, 'vengeance! vengeance! i must have vengeance! he broke my heart! with the smell of his fart! vengeance!'*
the story is Don Giovanni is a totally scoundrel who spends all his time abusing women, using his flesh and his song. meanwhile, an increasing number of abused women spend their time crying for vengeance. SPOILER! Don Giovanni eventually gets what's coming to him and disappears into a hole in the stage. he does this because - and this is hard to understand - a statue invites him to.
anyway, doing it 'posh' we went out to wine bar beforehand and then to the Supper Inn (which is good, but there are one thousand good Chinese restaurants in Chinatown so you'd feel a bit silly queuing to get into one. well, you'd think.) and so having spent most of our money opted for the cheapest Opera tickets sitting with 'the Gods'.

it was more like 'Gods and Monsters' up there.
firstly, when the lights went out there was the usual shuffle, as people in cheap seats at the back sneak down to empty ones in the front. and some guys and their tarts decide to climb over MY chair and i got a good flash of fanny.
then about halfway through act one a woman's mobile rings. and SHE ANSWERS IT.
then another woman started hissing at everyone to stop tapping their feet.
then towards the end of the opera a guy taps a woman's knee and asks her to stop talking. the woman's boyfriend takes offence to this guy handling his girlfriend and cries for vengeance. heated argument begins, guys both stand up and... ushers come over and tell them to sit down.
anyway, after it was finished i commented to my friend that opera seems to attract a low class of person, and she replied, 'no, it inspires a low class of behaviour'.
which, judging from the ONE TIME i've been to the opera, is true. if you can actually see past the overweight singers, corny lines, weird stories, ugly costumes and feeble sets, and LISTEN to the music... well, you might be a worse person for it. i know i certainly stole a program.

* not actual line from Don Giovanni

26 July 2006

As a kid my dad would take my brother and i places. To Bunnings or the tip, to pick things up from his mate's places etc. Also, sometimes, if we were really good... he'd take us somewhere remotely kid-related. Like the movies, or to Science Works, the footy, or something like that. So we'd go, have a great day and be in the car on the way home raving and carrying like... well... excited children. And WITHOUT FAIL my dad would always make the comment.. there's no such thing as a free lunch! And before we knew it, we'd back back home mowing the lawn or something.

Anyway, today i proved my dad wrong when i landed myself a free lunch.
Quite by accident, i ordered my lunch from one of the cafe's near work and simply forgot to pay for it. I was too busy yakking away... the girl who gave me my sandwhich must have assumed that i'd paid the guy when i ordered. And let me just say that I'M NOT LOSING ANY SLEEP OVER IT. Small out-burst...but i think i deserve the lunch given the amount of money i spend in that shop every other day of the week.

Yes, so the whole incident was rather lucky, as it allowed me the luxury, this evening before pay day, to be able to afford something better for dinner than vegemite on toast. And thus, a truly gourmet meal was born. Moroccan chicken.