30 June 2006

Oh Dot, i'm so happy! Your dad came over and fixed the shower while i was at work today. Huzzah, no more pommy-washing for me! To celebrate, i thought i'd share a picture with you, and the internet, of me enjoying my red hot steamy shower for the first time in THREE DAYS. Shower, i'll never take you for granted again! Waaaaah, i'm so happy!

27 June 2006

Gratuitous images of the 'sexy geek'

Be gone, thou evil sporting types!
A Brief Affair
i promise this will be the only time i EVER talk about sport. i don't play it and i don't watch it... normally. however, i did kinda sorta get swept up in the excitement of the Socceroos recent overachievement. after being invited to watch the Australia VS Brazil match with some friends from work and i decided i kinda sorta liked being a fan (drinking beer, eating wedgies, yelling at the telly) and i learnt a lot about how to talk about sport. like how everyone can be an expert, and analyse the game, and call "FOUL!"
last night i came home from work at midnight and moved the television into my room so i could watch the Australia VS Italy match from the comfort of bed. and after 92 minutes this is what i saw...

Fabio Grosso: i've got the ball!

Lucas Neill: i'm going to lie down here.

Lucas Neill: watch it, dude! i'm like totally lying here!

Fabio Grosso: wheeeeee!

Lucas Neill: did anybody see that?

Fabio Grosso: that was fun! hey, wait a minute, maybe i can....

Fabio Grosso: aw! wah! my head suddenly hurts!

Lucas Neill: huh?

a very disappointing result (Grosso got free shot at goal, scored, BIT HIS THUMB and Italy won), which is what everyone is saying. and they are also saying "next time... blah blah". but you know, the lesson to be learnt here is...
you will always lose as a fan. when you allow yourself to become emotionally attached to something you have no control over, you can never win. the relationship between a fan and a sports team is too one-sided…
which is why i, Dot, hereby resign as a fan. it was short and sweet - but from now on i'll focus on my own destiny (which i have slightly more influence over).

26 June 2006

I had an awards night for work on Friday night... (which i did actually end up getting a fab new outfit for)... and it was a good thing too - cause our team actually won! I forget the category, but we were pumped. Anyhoo... i might have pumped it a little too hard, and the night ended somewhat early for me, with my head down a toilet. BUT, i will have you know (and i maintain) that the food didn't agree with me. It was the bad food that did it. Uh-huh.

So i was off work today... went to see Disney On Ice (review later) and have just checked my work emails now at 10.30pm and noticed one, letting everyone know there are photos up on one of the shared drives. Needless to say, i am more than a little bit worried about this...

PS - Isn't Dot slack? She has been neglecting us all... Shame...Shaaaaame....

22 June 2006

listening to: the call centre kids yakking
reading: Gough Whitlam - The Truth of the Matter
watching: nothing holding my attention now that the Amazing Race has finished.
looking forward to: going to America
depressed about: not having a fab new outfit to wear to awards night tomorrow night
guilty: not handing over my rent money before the landlords left on holidays
thinking about: going to America
looking good in: my new army pants!
hating: the cold SNAP
admiting: I like Chris Issak

21 June 2006

I didn't realise this blog had become a 'let's all point out what an idiot Mars is' type event. WHAT AN IDIOT MARS MUST BE.

That said...

This is my review on the teen movie. DON'T GO. It's junk, i couldn't muster up one single out loud laugh, and the cinema was full of eight year old girls (and their mothers) and hoards of teenagers. The teenagers in the cinema are reason enough to give it a miss, in all honesty. There was one funny line... (Call me!... Stalk you...) and we saw that in the ad. AND the people doing the gymnastics weren't even real people, they were computer people, it was like watching the Sims on the big screen. So save your money, put it in your piggy bank for a rainy day.

Shit movie. You have been warned.
too drunk to post...

give me the keys now you're too drunk to blog
you said it's all because of me
tilting your head so you can catch me eye
promising things i don't believe

oh Bodyjar you touch my teenage heart.

which is sadder?
a) Mars going to the movies to see >PG rated film that i promised i wouldn't dob her in for seeing... hint: it's about a "17-year-old gymnast with a strong rebellious streak"< (how old is too old for films set in American high schools?) b) Dot staying home alone with a bottle of red to blog on. at the moment i really like the snogs:
tiga - (far from) home
spank rock - bump
ladytron - the witching hour
the herd - unpredictable
mates of state - fraud in the '80s
johnny boy - you are the generation that brought more shoes
datarock - sex me up
panda band - >that new snog<

but the problem is i don't think any of the albums would be worth buying... anyone? i think i'll wait for them to be released together on a mix tape.

listening to: the gossip
reading: 'volume one of a compleeing fantasy saga by a magical new talent - Daggerspell'. it's not that great, but i'll have to read the next ten volumes now i've started.
watching: now that Survivor has finished i just live between episodes of 'Extreme Makeover'
looking forward to: the Northern Territory
depressed about: probably not graudating for ANOTHER YEAR because of winter semester timetable clash
dreading: visiting crazy Nan on Friday
guilty: for dreading visiting Nan
thinking about: Blane (His name is Blane? Oh! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!)
looking good in: my new FLURO GREEN jumper... (Mars doesn't believe me when i say FLURO is the next black)
hating: fake boobs (i'm not a hater or anything but)
admiting: Mars is a better blogger than me

i'm going to pass out now.

19 June 2006

damnit. and i was going to post about my love of dancing but someone beat me to it.

so instead here's my second true love - Blane!

(ps - Mars, you rank 16th)
Duckie (say duh-ki) noun, adjective
1. character from film 'Pretty in Pink', played by Jon Cryer, (plot: Duckie loves Andie (Molly Ringwald), but Andie only wants to be friends with Duckie. Duckie is funny, outgoing and wears cute hats. Andie goes to the prom with Duckie, only to dump him when her true love, Blane (Andrew McCarthy) shows up. Duckie is obviously heart-broken, but tries not to let Andie see it.)
2. a guy who is totally in love with a girl despite the fact girl makes it perfectly clear she will never never ever be with him; guy still lives in hope...
3. looking or acting like a duck

i have a duckie. i feel guilty even acknowledging this in my anonymous blog, but i feel maybe talking about it will help me reconcile the imbalance of my (lack of ) feelings towards Duckie with his feelings (of utter worship) towards me. which is tricky. because one of the first rules of a Duckie/Andie relationship is never ever acknowledge this imbalance in order to remain 'friends'... and it's also tricky to talk about it without sounding egotistical. but it's not ego, it's the truth.

i've known Duckie about five years now. we met at a crappy part-time job and bonded while bitching about how crappy it was. so we moved on (but not up: i now have another crappy part-time job while Duckie is currently unemployed) but remained friends. Duckie is nice; small, gregarious, gets on well with everyone... and, for lack of having any REAL love life, we sort of became stand-in dates for each other. if there is nothing to be done and no one to do it with there is always Duckie. he's the best talker i know and is always up for anything.
but, somewhere along the line Duckie started making half-ironic half-serious jokes about his love for me. i thought it funny and cute and endearing, and let it slide. but it now has an insidious side that makes me wonder... am i using him? am i being honest with him? is this somehow wrong?

the Duck files:
- Duckie calls me everyday. sometimes twice.
- Duckie will often cancel plans he has with other friends in order to hang out with me (i always find this out after we go out).
- when i ask Duckie if he thinks he will ever find true love he answers, 'But I already have.'
- Duckie does Google searches for me.

Duckie knows i will never be with him, but he likes to live in hope... I know i will never be with Duckie, but i enjoy his friendship. it's working thus far, but i know it'll come crashing down in about five months when i run off to America to marry Blane. will keep you posted.

18 June 2006

Dear Dot,

I'm sorry i didn't do all the things i said i was going to do today.

I didn't sweep, vacuum or mop the floors
I didn't clear my clothes out of the sun-room
I didn't do the dishes
I didn't clean the bathroom
I didn't cook dinner
I didn't make nice treats for our lunches
I didn't wash my sheets
I didn't dust
I didn't do any shopping
I didn't actually leave the house
I didn't even get dressed properly
I didn't do any readings
I didn't start my essay
I didn't iron my work clothes
I didn't write anything worth reading on the blog
I didn't empty the bins
I didn't write my memoirs
I didn't feed the dog
I didn't try to wear in my new boots sensibly
I didn't unpack my clothes
I didn't set up the tv properly
I didn't wash the towels
I didn't go for a walk
I didn't moisturise
I didn't do much, really.

I did, however, practice my commando rolls in the backyard wearing my new camouflage army pants. And i looked good! I may have pulled my hammy though.

Hope you're not too desperately disappointed in me.

17 June 2006

I hate it when you find a good hairdresser that you really like and then she goes off to:

a) have a baby
b) travel overseas or
c) gets a new job and can't tell you where.

I find it really, most annoying.

15 June 2006

The Age feels the need to run these trite and mundane 'blogs'. The people who write them are clearly lacking in journalistic talent, and they have resorted to doing the age old kitsch 'expose'. And I present, Sam in the City - the ultimate dating blog. That's right, melbourne's very own answer to all relationship issues. You thought this concept was dead and defunct - you were absolutely right, it most certainly is.

Her own website spews "Samantha Brett's candid, insightful and witty observations of the dating scene...". ERRRR wrong. Samantha Brett's column is a load of re-hashed junk. In her latest insightful piece of quality researched 'journalism', she declares...

"Girls, hold on to your men. Cheating has never been so rife."

Whoa Nelly! Hold. On. To. Your. Men.? Hold on to your men.

What is it we should do, Sam? Blow-jobs, threesomes, anal, dress-ups, let his mates come over to play? Is that the way to hold on to a man? Or is it washing, cleaning, child-rearing, cooking? Perhaps it's ego stroking, pandering or dutifully bring out a beer, slippers and fluffing up cushions while he watches television?

Forget it. If he wants to cheat, go on and feck off then. I'll be buggered if i'm going to try and stop him!

Which poses the question... say i did want to hold onto a man... how does one do that? What constitutes, as a woman, looking after your man's needs?

Come on love, do us a favour and get a job behind the register at Woolworths if this is the best you can come up with. Don't insult me.
and i thought writing a blog was empowering...

says the leading pornstar of our time:
"I try my hardest to push the point that I am a feminist. I really think it's important that people know that the women in this industry are empowered. They run it, man. It's awesome."

i think the reason i don't understand Jenna is because i haven't seen her videos, let alone played her computer game. it's been out for awhile now so maybe someone out there can explain to me how sticking different tools into Jenna to get her to orgasm is empowering?

ps - Mars, the pain you are suffering in the name of wearing hot new boots is empowering.

14 June 2006

Seeing as i didn't go to work today, i haven't had my usual 7 hours worth of internet perusal time, and therefore have no idea what's going on in the world...and nothing to comment on. Reason for my sickie today was... well.... yesterday i wore my new boots to work. And they gave me a blister. A really quite devastatingly bad blister. And thus is born: issue one of the Mars Medical Journal.

Meanwhile, this picture comes to light, and i am leaning towards resting my case in relation to flag-as-cape wearing individuals. Bah!

hey Mars? can you please give me a few pointers on how to write a good blog? i don't want to waste any precious interweb space with junky rambles or idiotic jokes. i want to connect with my fellow bloggers. i want to capitalise on the potential of blogging to do GOOD in the world!!!

13 June 2006

Does anyone else find the wearing of our national flag... as a cape... at all wrong?

I get it. Sport. National pride. Oz. Whatever.

And i'm not exactly sure why, but i object.
1 - The first rule of Doing It is, you do not talk about Doing It.
2 - The second rule of Doing It is, you DO NOT talk about Doing It.
3 - If someone says stop, goes limp, taps out, Doing It is over.
4 - Do It cause you like Doing It.
5 - No shirts, no shoes.
6 - No socks, no undies.
7 - Doing It will go on as long as it has to.
8 - If this is your first time Doing It, you must comment.
five hours and twenty-eight minutes!

when Mars was setting up this blog this afternoon i asked her how long she reckoned until Steph commented on it. she thought a few weeks. well, it took five hours and twenty-eight minutes! is that some kind of record?!!?!?
(i suppose the link helped...)

anyway, i'm Dot. long time commenter, first time blogger.
i always thought blogs were for people with narcissistic tendencies yet who were too introverted or ugly to be popular in society. actually, i still think that. only now i'm being a little more honest about my own ugly struggles with narcissism… and i hope this site will be a good forum to help me work through these issues.

listen at me! value my opinion! validate my desires to get breast implants!

12 June 2006

Well hello there! Being the techno-whiz-kid i am, i thought i'd get this blog rolling. Whiz-kid... now there's a term you don't hear used very often anymore. Shame really, it's pretty cool... i suppose occasionally you'll need to call in the 'computer whiz' at work... but that's really the extent of it.

That said, i suppose our title says it all. Dot and Mars, one house, one blog. I'm the funny one, and she's the sexy one... or something. Sorry Dot, i'm sure you wont like that label.

For a more in depth look into our exciting lives, you will need to refer to our fridge door. There are all sorts of answers hidden in this picture... much like the Da Vinci Code. It's up to you, faithful follower, to unravel the mystery...

Dot and Mars, friends for almost 10 years. At last we are one... in the form of a blog.
Mars is cooler
Dot is pretty cool