30 January 2007

Isn't Chesty clever! i am loving our new template.

So i suppose you may have noticed... i haven't been blogging much recently. I've really lost inspiration and to be honest, kinda got sick of telling the internet how drunk i got on the weekend and what an idiot i am. Ya know? So yeah, we know the blog has kinda gone to the dogs recently, something the delightful Kiki was only too happy to point out. Thanks.

But one thing has happened which makes me think... last week someone in the comments, i think it was Amanda, referred to me as Bridget Jones when i was going on about all the wedding crap i was enduing with my friends. Not at all comfortable with this analogy, i decided to ignore it and hope it went away.

Then this week Dot sent me an email and happened to refer to me as a mean Bridget Jones.


So whatever, i probably am a bit mean. People who are too nice kinda creep me out... like, they can't be trusted. Then i was hanging back at work this evening and this woman from another area came over and started talking to my boss and I.

She was sickly nice. Too much giggling and helpful-ness. I was un-nerved.

So i said to my boss after she's left... "i don't trust her, she's too nice". And naturally, he thought i was a total bitch, as only a man would (probably secretly hoping for a cat-fight).

Is anyone else ever put off by people who are really really nice? Even if it is just their nature and they're not trying to stooge anyone.

Just wondering if i really am just a bitter old cow.

23 January 2007

bridezilla, me?

19 January 2007

Today is a sad day for the sister-hood as we mourn the loss of our good friend, Dot.

15 January 2007

Good News!

Following on from Mars' 'weddings suck for single people' post, I would just like to say that I, also, am getting married.

On Friday Blane and I went and got the marriage license from The Office of the City Clerk (busted bureaucratic office), and we'll go back next Friday to 'seal the knot'.

So I guess the good news is that, Mars, I'm not having a wedding and you're not invited!

14 January 2007

I'm back!
Highlights, lowlights and just lights of road trip…

Met a nice Quaker lady at a Meeting House in Philadelphia. She explained the influence of Quakerism to the founding of Pennsylvania, as a result it was one of the most democratic, liberal and tolerant colonies of its day. Hooray!

It’s really really hard to buy a beer in Pennsylvania, you can only buy it from special ‘beer only’ stores, and even then you can only buy it in cases of 24 and no less.

Amish people are amazing! The men have creepy chin-only beards, the women are plump, and they all wear black sneakers (those ones that old people where when they want to pretend they are not wearing sneakers). The Amish drive around in horse-drawn buggies, however are not against traveling in cars, as long as they aren’t driving. We visited the towns of Bird-in-Hand and Intercourse (heehee) and saw many Amish people being driven around in mini-vans. We also saw a young Amish man rollerblading down the side of the highway.

Gettysburg is for Civil War fanatics only.

The Kluge Ruhe (Australian) Aboriginal Art Collection in Charlottesville, Virginia is CLOSED over the Christmas holidays.

In North Carolina you can buy a long-neck beer (Budweiser, of course) from a petrol station for only 80 cents!!! There is nothing else interesting about North Carolina, unless you like Nascar racing.

I visited my first Walmart Supercenter in South Carolina.

I’ve now got a ‘jones’ for Southern cooking. It started with soul food; fried chicken, candied yams and collard greens… but went deeper with shrimp gravy, grits (like porridge, but eaten savory with butter and sometimes cheese), po’ boys (deep-fried oysters in salad roll), hush puppies (deep fried bread crumb balls eaten with tartar sauce), fried-green tomatoes, biscuits (like scones, but eaten savory), cornbread… oh my dear god!

Tried to go to a fancy restaurant in Savannah for New Years Eve but everything was booked out, so ended up spending an ironic New Years Eve at the ‘Outback Steakhouse’ (Australian themed restaurant). At first I sat at the bar complaining how fake everything was. But after eating some yummy ‘shrimp’ and the bartender finding out I was Australian and giving us free beers… well, it felt just like home.

Saw the New Years in over a few drinks with a new local friend, Fred. Fred was, like, REALLY friendly. When Fred left us to go buy some more drinks Blane confided in me that he thought Fred was trying to pick him up, and kept brushing his leg. I laughed and called him vain. However, when Blane got up to go to the lou leaving me alone with Fred, Fred confided in me that he found my ‘friend’ really attractive. I told Fred that Blane was actually my boyfriend. Fred apologized and said he was really embarrassed, and then we both had a laugh over it. However, then Fred started going on and on how ‘lucky’ I was to be with Blane, “Wow, you’re with Blane? Wow, you lucky girl. Well done. I mean that, like, well done to you.” Hmm, is my boyfriend so much more attractive than me, or something? Is it inconceivable that we’re together?

You visit Southern plantations to admire how pretty they are. You do not visit them to learn about the history of plantation farming and slavery. If plantation guides and in-house texts mention slavery at all it is in the context of “such-and-such plantation owners were actually very kind to their slaves and called them ‘black roses’”. Ergh. I’m using Magnolia Plantation, South Carolina as my main example of this occurring. But this perspective was also present at Monticello and Mt Vernon, both slave-owning ex-presidents’ homes in Virginia.

In Washington we stayed with Blane’s very patriotic aunt and uncle in their ‘cookie-cutter’ home in the suburbs. Blane warned me they can be a little ‘uptight’ (think of that film ‘Meet the Parents’) so we were both on our best behavior. However, we didn’t get off to a great start when we arrived at 9pm. Aunt and uncle had been expecting us at 6pm and we arrived at their home to find a giant cold ham on the table and two very hungry people waiting for us. Tried to make it up to them by patientaly listening to Uncle tell stories about 'Nam (and how it could have been won, and how this is a lesson for Iraq) all evening. We just smiled and nodded.

We returned the hire car with a giant chunk taken out of the windscreen (a rock flew up and hit it while we were driving down the freeway), and we didn’t have insurance, and the hire company didn’t even notice!!! Yay!

Took the Saturday night train from Philadelphia to New York City with, what is known as, the 'Bridge and Tunnel Crowd'. They were very young and loud and badly dressed, and I felt like an anthropologist looking for signs of the 'Frat'.

Back in New York, and people honking their car horns, swearing at each other in the streets, and the grit and the grime... and it almost feels like home now.

13 January 2007

Do you ever get the feeling that you just can't fake it anymore?

11 January 2007


now i've been invited to the bloody hen's party.


09 January 2007

Weddings: The Nightmare of A Single Person.

I've been invited to another fucking wedding. And i'd like to ask the internet a question or two... of social etiquette, perhaps, to do with the issue of the plus one.

As a single, should i expect a plus one on an invitation?

Is it somewhat unfair of the smug-soon-to-be-marrieds to ask me to come to a wedding where i wont know many people, alone?

If i am granted a plus one, is it appropriate to take a girl friend for the sake of company, or does it have to be a boy friend?

Does said plus one have to be A Love Interest?

I suppose it is kind of naff to have a lovely wedding invitation say "Dear Mars +1"... and i geddit that people don't want to pay a hundred bucks a head for someone they don't know. And anyway, why do i have a problem going to these things alone?

So many questions, so few answers.

07 January 2007

Has anyone ever endured what is now my Nana's favourite movie, RV? It's pretty lame, i had to watch it this weekend being that Yarrawonga isn't exactly a hubub of activity and there's not much else to do... other than watch movies or work on your tan i suppose.

Anyway, last year my mum and her partner bought one of these RV Winebego things... imported it from America then had it converted to right hand drive and stuff, so it was all good to go. This year, they took it up to Corowa for New Years and had a bit of a camp and all that.

We're nothing if not the common man, my family.

So i didn't quite realise when mum said they'd pick me up in Yarra this afternoon, that this was going to be my ride.. that is, until i saw it pull up outside my grandparent's place.

Jealous? I felt like the teenager in that movie... At first, i was really embarrassed and considered missing work tomorrow and just catching the train home.

But, after i had a sleep for an hour or so up the back on the queen size bed, i started to come around to the great pile of shit as my step-father character lovingly refers to it. By the time we were back in Melbourne, i was sitting up on the co-pilot seat loving the great pile of puss!

done by Mars

05 January 2007

Fashion this summer is cruel. I mean, it's always cruel, but this year it seems even more-so.

Exhibit A

These fucking play suits will be the end of me. Yes aren't they cute etc... but honestly, i'm almost 26 now, things have long ago gone south, i can't wear little itty bitty short-shorts... although, it seems the rest of the world, well, can.

Exhibit B
Cute little dress, with high belt. HIGH BELT. I know this isn't any great news flash to anyone, but apparently belts aren't used for holding trousers up anymore, they're used for holding boobs up.

The one saving grace, as best i can tell...

Exhibit C

Leggings, for fucks suck. But they're only called leggings if you're from the 80's... now they're called footless tights. They're fucking leggings.

So to complete the look this summer, you also need...

Exhibit D
Enormous sunglasses

You also need...

Exhibit E

An enormous bag, big enough to carry ALL your important things...

And lastly...

Exhibit F

A hott fake tan.

And then you're good to go. Only thing is, you'll probably look like every other asshole walking down the street.

I, on the other hand, am just going to stay in doors.

done by Mars

04 January 2007

At the risk of sounding too much (at all?) like Sharon Stresleki... how good is the cricket today? Must admit, i am pretty much the only person i know who seems to enjoy the cricket... i used to think it was usually a combination of summer + holidays = cricket on teevee... but today, i'm really loving it! Desperate to see Warne get a hundred...

Don't judge me! Guilty pleasure number 112...

done by Mars

03 January 2007

Just saw Marie Antoinette. What a truly crap film.

The only thing remotely interesting about the whole film was the costumes, but it didn't really help as all i was thinking was how the whole thing was so shite.

And that, is my comprehensive review.

Also, i forgot to mention the Coppola. Virgin Suicides was pretty good... although, after reading the book, i don't think that she really had much work to do there, in that the movie pretty much took the book word for word. And Lost in Translation was fab, but i think that was mainly because of Scarlet and Japan. But this was crap... with a crap ending (although, it did inspire me to sit on the internerd for hours reading about the French Revolution - wtf?) So yes, she (Coppola), in general, annoys me. Not sure why.

done by Mars

02 January 2007

Well. 2007. Not sure if i actually have anything to say today, but feel like an effort should be made to set the new year off on a good-blogging-foot. Yeah.

Did everyone else get about a million messages on Christmas Day and NYE that their friends had sent to their entire phone book? They were mostly the same, but my favourite came from one of my friends overseas; Seasons Greetings, fuckers. I like it.

Also, check out where Dot is...

Tres jealous.

Although my new years eve was pretty good... one of the best, even, how much better would it have been in Savannah, Georgia? It's so easy to have a crap NYE, so i was actually surprised at how good (and mostly teenager-less) this one ended up being.

Are we all over hearing about what a booze-hag Mars has turned into? I feel like the only time i really blog any more it when i'm telling the internet about what a moron i am. Hmm.

Also, does this happen to anyone else; You're doing something and while it's happening, you're thinking about what a great blog post it's going to make. You're even composing the post in your head and it's coming out great... but then you get to the computer, and you've forgotten the details and the story just doesn't seem anywhere near as good as it was when it was happening and you were mentally blogging it. Well, NYE would have made a great blog post, i think... but ya know, the details, they're sketchy.

I should get a dictaphone thing. Incoherent ramblings... yeah, great.

I'm on holidays this week, and i think it's gonna be pretty slow. So far today i've slugged around the house in my pyjama bottoms and my bathers top. Very attractive. I only just brushed my teeth at about 5pm and i've pretty much watch the entire first day of the cricket in Sydney/ one million and twelve Jenny Craig ads. Shameless.

Right, might get cracking then and go find a friend for tonight/ go back to bed.

And also, Bevis i await your comment on my usage of the semi-colon in this post.

done by Mars