29 May 2011

Went out last night with a chick i know who can only really be described as an ABSOLUTE IMBECILE.

I don't know how she's come to be a constant character in my life; but she has... What are you meant to do if someone rings you up on a Tuesday to ask you to go out on Saturday night? There's only so many excuses you can come up with!

Anyway, so i had to go. This chick has no conversation at all... she's no real interests and certainly no intelligence... so spending time with her is always thoroughly tedious and inevitably, the conversation always seems to end up being about sex. Which is fine i guess, i like to make rude jokes as much as the next person. But she goes on. and on. and on. about such shit and like, i get it! I had sex once, i know how it's done and at this late stage, it really is... quite boring.

It's like people who go out and while they're supposed be be having fun, they're just sitting around talking about how fucked up they got and how much fun they had last time. It's retarded. Get fucked up now! Have fun now!

Last night there was a new dude in the mix, he was a mincing little queen and i didn't like him. Not cause he was a mincing queen, just because he was a sly little fucker. So between him and Miss Piggy, all they spoke about was sex; or more specifically, bum sex. The ups, downs, ins and outs, of bum sex. In great detail.


Anyway, the jewel in the crown of Saturday night had to be when Miss Piggy told us about the one time she'd had bum sex, and how her boyfriend at the time was hung like a donkey and that's why it was the first and last time she'd ever done it. She didn't want to do it, but they'd been going out and year and he was pestering her to do it. So she agreed when he said he'd buy her a new pair of trainers. TRAINERS!

She had pimped her arse out for a pair of shoes, and she was actually telling us about this.

I despair.

Worst Saturday night ever.