05 December 2006

This chick wanted to bash me on Friday night.

Can't imagine why. Well... i can. It's because i have no self control and i can't just... say... shut the fuck up for once.... but instead seem to find the need to mouth-off a people on the street.

I was waiting for a taxi on King street for about half an hour on Friday night, right. Although it was actually only the first day of December, it appeared quite apparently that the silly season was yet again upon us, and suddenly taxis and all things transport-like at 3am were a signifficant commidity. For most of the half an hour i stood still, in the one place with my arm pointlessly in the air. I was pretty much asleep on my feet, i'd been drinking at a bar (with a tab!) since 5pm and was, quite rightly, rooted.

After realising that i wasn't getting anywhere fast and was quite likely about to fall asleep in the gutter, i started to do a panic. I ran across the other side of the street thinking that all the taxis were definitely coming from that direction. They weren't. So i went back where i was standing before, where a group had now congregated on my corner.

So this drunkity bird and her fella are walking past a dishevelled Mars, and she slurs in my direction... "You goin'a Southbank?"
"No" says i, "Cheltenham"
To which she responds "Pfft! Wouldn' even know where that is!"

At this point i should have walked away.
JUST WALK AWAY, MARS
WALK AWAY, FOR THE LOVE OF DOG, WALK AWAY!
But i didn't.

"Well you're an ignorant FUCK, aren't you" spits i...

She spun around, suddenly quick and nimble on her feet and launched herself at me. Sadly for all involved, i'm all talk, and look less like this (which would have been handy) and more like this (which was quite useless). Being in no position to fight this girl, i squealed and ran into the middle of the group of people standing on my corner.

Thankfully for all involved (mostly me), the girl's boyfriend dragged her off home and i lived to tell the tale.

I've never been in a fight before (sibling fights don't count) and i'm not sure at 25 years of age, this is my time. I'm quite happy to have missed that boat... Anyway, things have really gone downhill for me in the way of mature, responsible behaviour since Dot left. I'm sure she'll use her absolute favourite word for describing me in the comments here... i await with baited breath.

Done by Mars

18 comments:

DelightfulJen said...

If someone said that to me, I'd probabaly run away in tears.

I am the biggest sissy girl ever and would chew off my own arm to avoid a fight, expecially a punching type fight.

Remember the whole "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" rule, maybe there is something in that for you :) I don't think the other girl should be willing to fight anyone who annoys her, but you know.

You're pretty Mars, don't ruin your face :)

actonb said...

Squealing like a girl is what we do...

der...

Enny said...

If I'd gone back to the corner and saw my spot taken I'd proddly keep sitting quietly alone - I'm a fraidy cat!

(I also have never had a proper fight)

Mars said...

Jen, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"... one word for that bit of advice... PFFT! and i'd pretty much do anything to avoid a fight too...god, i don't know how to fight, i'd be killed!

actonb, squealing as a reaction is highly under-rated. i find it valid for an absolute plethora of miscellaneous circumstances.

enny, i think chicks fighting is a bit average... actually, anyone fighting is average. we're not animals! though...

kiki said...

a) i'm surprised you didn't call me, i woulda come picked you up and

b) what the fuck were you doing on king st? stripping? stabbing gang members?

Adam said...

Is Dot's word; Megamouth? Trouble? SissyGirl? BigmouthFraidCat?

I reckon that's a weird reaction for a chick, to just launch yourself at someone. Most people do standing and swearing for ages before both agree fighting is going to be the funnest.

I've never been in a fight either... but I've seen them on TV and they look fun.

Mars said...

keith
a) had i known this, i definitely would have called you, you know i like tha phone...BUT...i did message you and you totally snobbed me! also, i will be there again this friday night, should you feel inclined to come past...

b) no, i was doing much more rad stuff than stabbing gang members. i was hanging out in The Lamest Pub In Melbourne with The Lamest Crowd In Melbourne. Picture me this; drunkity smashed (much worse than me) office-dorks getting dirty with each other and dancing to what-ever crap the misitry of sound has just put out...all this while still in their conservative knit-wear. HELLO!

adam
none of those are Dot's word. i thought the word would have come straight to her, but she's struggling and has already emailed me to find out what she's supposed to call me. clearly been away from home far too long already.

Martie said...

Ha ha ha ha.

Don't punch, just pinch under the arm; gauranteed to make even the manliest man run away squealing like a girl.

Also - were you at the pub down on the corner with the new upstairs beer garden?

Also - people like who don't know where Cheltenham is should be called ignorant fucks.

Ok, I'm done.

Martie said...

PS - I totally would have come and danced in my Bendigo Bank uniform had I known.

Mars said...

Don't know which pub you mean Martie. But i was at the Exchange. it's really bad in there... my feet kept getting stuck to the floor.

Cheltenham's not the end of the earth, is it? it's certainly the centre of my universe. she was an ignorant fucker.

And don't lie! you would have spied from a distance, laughed heartily at the fact that you saw me, yet i didn't see you, and then left. Admit it!

Adam said...

Ahhhh, the Exchange.

We used to go there every Friday night when it was called the Sheepsback... then we grew up.

Mars said...

man...you must be old, i didn't even know it used to have another name!

Martie said...

Heh. The Exchange. Look up and wave next time you're there.

Adam said...

Not old, started young...

meva said...

I came close to a fight once. Some alcomaholicky boozebitch took an intense dislike to my appearance at a pub one night. She lurched toward me, leering and snarling, and threw her drink at me. She missed. Then she fell down. Then she got carried out.

BEVIS said...

Chick fights are funny. Especially when one of them runs away.

Dot said...

oh yeah... BOGAN!

Mars said...

...you are