24 December 2006

Thus Bakes* Zarathustra Mars

One sure fire way to make Chrimbo with the fam as painless as possible, is to kill them all with heart attacks. That's my plan, and if things go really well, i'll probably die of one too.

Rum balls. Not completely deadly... but a real pain in the jaxie to make, so they'd better be appreciated. Not recommended for consumption by children, quite rummy balls.

And also...

Step One! We can have lots of fun...

Step Two! There's so much we can do...

Step Three! It's just you and me...

Step Four! I can give you more...

Well, i can't give you any more, being as this creation didn't actually take any more steps than said three.

Step Five! Don't you know the time has arrived...

That's right kids, only one more sleep until the day we've been waiting for (in a car crash sort of a way) is once again upon us. Sure... we all want the presents, BUT AT WHAT COST?! My family is a pain in the clacker, and i can't wait until it's all over tomorrow and i can sit back with a bottle glass of wine and know that there's another whole year until i have to do that again.

So anyway, if your nana's cooking using pure LARD doesn't kill you, this slice of heaven sure as hell will... at the very least, it'll put you into a diabetic coma without too much trouble.

*aware that none of this actually constitutes baking, technically, but more... preparation, or something.

done by Mars


Original Mel said...

OMG!! Step by step! Ohh baby! Gonna get to you gi-i-i-i-irl!

DelightfulJen said...

You are my hero, Mars! I tried to make rum balls once, but the final product was something we had to force down the garbage disposal, it turned out so sticky I think we had to throw away to bowl.

I love rum balls, it's the epitome of Christmas in my mind, but I'd never be brave enough to make them again.

P.S The thing with the bikkies looks nice too. Have a lovely Christmas!!

Mars said...

the thing with the bikkies?


a bit of respect.

and what can i say, mel? i'm a child of the 80's and therefore know-er of some extremely crap (though timeless) muzak.

redcap said...

Chocolate freakin' ripple cake, Mars? But but but what sorta bickies are they? And what's the yummy-lookin' gear in between said bickies? And on top? Enlighten us!

Mars said...

you guys don't know what chocolate ripple cake is? this is weird. it's chocolate ripple BISCUITS squished together with cream... fat, fat, cream. and then some more cream on top. and some flake. put it in the fridge over night and the cream will smoosh up the biscuits and it's gour-fucking-met! try is...dead easy and dead delicious.

DelightfulJen said...

I have never even heard of chocolate ripple biscuits.

I think it might be a bit too much cream for me, and the soggy biscuit thing doesn't work for me. The crumbly bits of Flake however - top shelf!

Dave Mack said...

these were by far my favorite chocolately treats of my childhood.

ripple cakes ftw!

Adam said...

It's like some alternate universe in here.

Chocolate Ripple Cake is the first complete kitcheny thing Victorian kids learn... you're not allowed to reach the age of nine without having this down. You aren't allowed to graduate to the age of 7 without knowing how to do icing.

If the internet has taught us anything, it's that we should all feel sorry for non-Victorians.

meva said...

Chocolate Ripple Cake is the BEST! And it's not soggy biscuity; it's chocolate rippley.

Lulu said...

I have never heard of chocolate ripple cake...but I now know never to refer to it has bikkies or soggy biscuits cos I would like to keep my head.

Nice looking rumballs girl, I love rumballs. Please send me some!! Can you send rum balls in the mail I wonder?

Hope you had a lovely christmas.

Dot said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mars said...

hah! put it back you gutless wonder!

Adam said...

You can really tell their friendship is based on love and politeness.

kiki said...

make me on please?

Tom Gaylord said...

how did it go in the end? me and my family got twisted sister on sun and wine, im still in pain.... great xmas though! ive put on 3 kg and look like a swampy donkey

Mars said...

Jen, i pity your soul. by the sounds of things, you're never going to get to try the deliciousness that is chocolate ripple cake.

mack, FTW FOR EVS!

Ads, do you think chocolate ripple cake is something only Victorians know about? to be honest, i never heard of it in Perth.

meva, it was pretty damn tasty. i know this because i ate at least half of the thing. that's right, approx. 1 packet of biscuits and about half a litre of cream... all... by... my... self...

Lulu, i think rumballs might get sniffed out by the authorities. Surely you can buy equivillent ingredients in Japan?

Ads... it's true. Tell your friends, Dot and Mars are loving, polite people..

Keeks, you're back? this is interesting.

Tom, it was a bit of a disaster really. i think i'll go a post on it eventually. i like swampy donkey though, i might steal that.. although, to be honest, i'm not entirely sure waht it means. sounds good though...

kiki said...

i'm confused
but can you bake me one none the less??

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