11 August 2006

Here's the thing, roigh.. i'm growing to hate the Emo. Like, hate his guts. And Dot, well, she just doesn't care. She doesn't hate the Emo, for reasons i'm sure she will elaborate on, once she has read my character assassination about to happen here.

I know we've mentioned that we have an Emo, but the details have really been somewhat.. less than elaborate. When the Emo first moved in, he said to me verbatim..
"Ohh, i'm probably, like, only gonna stay a week.. or like, a month"

Four weeks, roigh? So the four weeks is up this weekend, and Emo seems to have settled in nicely here at Dot'n'Mars HQ, with no immediate plan to like... fuck off. Ya know?

And while i sort of feel sorry for him, in that he's only 19.. from the country and has no money and stuff.. increasingly, i am wondering why exactly, this is now my problem. According to him, living without any money at all is "enlightening" and he tries to get by not spending more than $10 a week on food. This is all well and good... if that's the lifestyle he chooses, good for him.. but it doesn't really stop there. The other day i went to make a sandwich, knowing i had some cheese... go to the fridge to get the cheese out and find an empty cheese wrapper! My blood boiled, i absolutely seethed and threw, what could only be described as a complete tantrum, the likes of which you have only witnessed on a two year old.

Sadly, no-one was home to witness it.

I know it's only cheese. And he did bring home more that night. But that incident has piled on top of other things and it pissed me off rightly. I mean, i really went off him when i saw that blow in the bottle. Yeah, that was the beginning of the end for me and Emo.

The other fucking annoying thing he does is take really... really.. long showers. Like, he stands under there for atleast 20 minutes, doing what - i have no idea. (anyone suggests wanking in our shower and i'll fucken neck 'em) But get this.. he doesn't have any soap. He stands under the shower for 20 minutes wasting all the hot water and doesn't even use soap! It's like cooking for a bulimic. What's the fucking point?

And then tonight, i heard him using my hair dryer. What the fuck? Does he just think everything in this house is here for him, or what?

I'm getting to the point where i want to collect everything that's mine from around the house and keep it in my room. And i think that's really unfair on me. We're all adults, surely we can restrain ourselves not to use things that aren't our own? He doesn't seem to realise that things don't just exist.. someone owns those.

He makes me feel mean. And i'm really trying not to be mean.. but at the same time, i don't feel like i owe him anything. The other night, Dot and i were cooking this gourmet stir-fry... it was fucking great. Anyway, Emo wanders in with this freezer bag and in it were 3 unwashed potatoes. They looked like something he’d just dug out of someone’s veggie patch, and this is what he was eating for dinner. Potato. I felt really stingey and tight and had a serious battle with my conscience about not offering him any of our stir-fry... And then i thought about it, and honestly couldn't ever picture the day that he would go shopping, come home with all these ingredients and cook us a meal. I know it's not necessarily tit-for-tat, but you've got to put in to take out, right?

He seems to have no respect for what is essentially, our home. The mess he's made of the sun-room is unbelievable - and the smell! It leaks out from under the door and permeates the whole bloody house. I feel like my mother.

I know this is a bit of a whinge, but i really want the internet's opinion as to whether they think i'm being unreasonable towards Emo.

He eats my food.
Uses my stuff.
He fucking stinks.
He was only supposed to be temporary.
And worst of all - he displays blow in a bottle as "art"

Shoot me now.


Deb said...

Give him the boot!! There's nothing worse than having some loafer come in and doing stuff like that in your own home... I would feel kinda, like, viloated!!

Awesome blog btw!

kiki said...

i masturbates in the shower...

Dave Mack said...

Just pump rap songs on full every single morning. That'll scare him off.

Emo's hate hip hop.

Mars said...

Yes, Deb.. violated is exactly how i feel. Like the place has been invaded. But i can't kick him out.. cause Dot is still partial to him!

Keeks, go to the post below this one and answer all my questions!

Mack, interesting point you make. So Emo to hip-hop is like vamptire to garlic or something? See, i knew this kid was my mortal enemy, cause i kinda like the hop.

Jess said...

I think Dave Mack's idea is the best. What if you guys banned together and started doing things that might freak Emo out? You know there are some jerk-ass guys out there who, when they want to break-up with a girlfriend, just start acting real mean so as to make the girl break up with them? Yeah, kinda like that. Though I don't know what could be done to Emo.

Dave Mack said...

You can borrow my cds if you want.

Another thing. It sounds like this emo hates capitalism. You should set up a international commodities market next to his bedroom. Make sure its hours of operation are between 2-5am every morning. Also Tell all the traders that the coffe machine is in Emo's room.

I'm sure he won't appreciate that.

Enny said...

Tell him I'm moving in so he needs to move out to vacate my new room.

Imelda said...

Mars, I feel your pain.

Here's my suggestion: make a list of House Rules (that specifically apply to him) and stick it on his door. Every time he does something that shits you, either have a spaz and scream "Meeep. Rule No. 9 Dude" or leave a violation notice somewhere prominent for him. He'll soon get sick of the whole deal and either move out or stop violating rules.

The fun thing about this is that you can make the rules as bitchy and pointed as you want, coz it's your house.

Mars said...

Jessie, i don't think there's much that would freak Emo out at all. In fact, he's probably already freaked at living with these boring 25 year OLD women who seem to spend all their time on computers. What would you suggest? Walking around naked would be pretty scary for him.. but he'd probably just laugh, not freak.

Mack, yeah this Emo doesn't seem to contribute to the economy at all, really. And i think he finds it quite hillarious that i go off to work all day at a job i hate, so i can buy "shoes and handbags" (as he put it)... Don't Emo's grow out of being Emo's when they move out of home? I thought it was all about Rage Against the Parental Units..?

Enny, hmm.. could tell him that. But he knows the room he's in isn't a bedroom and that we probably wouldn't get anyone else to stay in there. (and who would want to after he's stunk it out?)

Im, see.. thing is, it's really Dot's house. She here first. Me here last. Then Emo. So i really don't have the final say on the issue. Also tricky cause Dot's dad and Emo's dad are friends.. which is why we have him. I have been leaving post-it notes for him.. but i think he finds my "up-tight-ed-ness" amusing and doesn't take anything i say seriously.

I hate him. I really do.

Dave Mack said...

does he know u have a B L O G?

DelightfulJen said...

I can understand both sides of your arguement. It's entirely reasonable to expect to be happy in your own home and not have someone using all your stuff, but I can understand how you'd feel mean by not wanting to share.

Having lived in the most dysfunctional share house ever, I would recommend you move him on, especially if he said he'd only be there a month. If he resists, then I'd have to big meeting about some rules, but ideally get rid of him!

Don't let him ruin the happy house vibe!

Jessie said...

You know, I was thinking about the walking around nude thing, but I don't know if it would have any effect on him. Maybe walk around nude with 12-inch strap-on dildos...but even that prolly wouldn't do it.

OK, another plan of attack: attempt to be his new BFF but in a super annoying way. Like, make him a frienship bracelet....oh wait...he is emo...DAMNIT.

In conclusion, damn hard to foil this lad it seems.

Rap still seems the best way to go.

Mars said...

Noo.. i don't think Emo has a blog. Hope not anyway! Nah he doesn't cause there's no internet connection in his room. Trog!

kiki said...

holy fuck
i meant to say 'i bet he masturbates in the shower...'

now i feel like a tosser eh, pardon the pun

but mars, i don't masturbate in the shower. promise.
emo does though, i'm sure of it

Mars said...

keeks, i think you need to slow down and double check your work here...