12 March 2007

Dot and Mars – Can be stopped?

I’m leaving again. Got a job in Arnhem Land for two months. Catching flight tomorrow. Not so stupid after all. Hooray. Anyway!

I’m worried.

Mars doesn’t like to be left alone.

So I’m wondering if maybe I could find a few volunteers to come over and sit with her for awhile?

Job description: basically you have to play ‘Lou’ to her ‘Andy’.


Required:

  • Must have high tolerance for Little Britain jokes
  • Must not wake early on weekends
  • Must never sit on right side of the couch (that’s Mars’s side, she’s got all her stuff piled up on the coffee table within easy reach and she gets pissed if you force her to sit anywhere else)
  • Must never flush the toilet or run the tap when she is in the shower
  • Must not tap toothbrush loudly on sink (she REALLY hates this one)
  • Must never remove DVD from DVD player and make Mars loose 'her place'
  • Must not laugh at her when she cuts up raw meat with a knife and fork
  • Must not drink her wine (Yes Mars, I owe you one bottle… it’s on the record now)
  • Must remember to take the bins out on Wednesday night
  • Must be home to receive phone calls on Friday nights from Mars asking you to go pick her up from the station because she drunk too much and ‘isn’t going to make it’

Desirable:

  • Enjoy having a good bitch about people we've known for 10 years
  • Anti-all-things-couple
  • And Emo

Perks:

  • Mars has a good computer with cable internet and a super hot hair straightner. She’s happy to share, but better ask first.
  • Her boobs

Ciao!

25 comments:

Mars said...

but i fought you LIKED living here with me...?

Mars said...

yeh.. i knoo..

Mars said...

but i fought you said living here wiff me were the best years of your life...?

Mars said...

meybey..

Mars said...

but i fought you LOVED killing Little Brittain wiff me...?

Mars said...

yeh.. i knoo..

Mars said...

we're just two LADIES in LADIES SHOES living in a LADIES house eating LADIES scones.

Mars said...

yeh.. i knoo..

Mars said...

*COUGH*

Dot said...

ehhhhhhh!

kiki said...

bitty!

Chesty LaRue said...

So who's going to star in it, write the theme tune and perform the theme tune now?

Dot said...

eehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mars said...

yeh.. i knoo..

Enny said...

If she can resist her penchant for spiked carcasses, I'd love to internet-visit :o)

Sam said...

ahhh I'm struggling to find any decent incentives. Apart from the the hair straightener.


Also, what the fuck is there to do in Arnhem land?

Mars said...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO DECENT INCENTIVES?

this is an outrage.

Dot said...

blogging in Brisbane!

hello nerdfest people!

seriously, my flight is about to board. there's a queue right behind me and i feel like everyone's having a peek over my shoulder.

anyway, i hope someone picks me up from the airport in Darwin because i haven't really got a plan b (kiki, i left your mates number at home!)

Dot said...

AND SAM, WHAT'S WRONG WITH MARS'S BOOBS?!??!!?!?

meva said...

Surely the blog should now be titled Mars (and Dot) etc etc

Sam said...

DOT: don't get me wrong, I like boobs, just not enough to coerce me into doing anything potentially painful.

Mars said...

painful? i'm not going to castrate you!

come on sam... be my lou?

redcap said...

Look, after 22 comments, it has to be said.

Computer says noooo (offensive cough)

audrey said...

I'll come over and be your Lou, mars. But only if you straigten my hair while I fondle your boobs...

Mars said...

^ when can you start?