Dot and Mars – Can be stopped?
I’m leaving again. Got a job in
Mars doesn’t like to be left alone.
So I’m wondering if maybe I could find a few volunteers to come over and sit with her for awhile?Job description: basically you have to play ‘Lou’ to her ‘Andy’.
- Must have high tolerance for Little Britain jokes
- Must not wake early on weekends
- Must never sit on right side of the couch (that’s Mars’s side, she’s got all her stuff piled up on the coffee table within easy reach and she gets pissed if you force her to sit anywhere else)
- Must never flush the toilet or run the tap when she is in the shower
- Must not tap toothbrush loudly on sink (she REALLY hates this one)
- Must never remove DVD from DVD player and make Mars loose 'her place'
- Must not laugh at her when she cuts up raw meat with a knife and fork
- Must not drink her wine (Yes Mars, I owe you one bottle… it’s on the record now)
- Must remember to take the bins out on Wednesday night
- Must be home to receive phone calls on Friday nights from Mars asking you to go pick her up from the station because she drunk too much and ‘isn’t going to make it’
- Enjoy having a good bitch about people we've known for 10 years
- And Emo
- Mars has a good computer with cable internet and a super hot hair straightner. She’s happy to share, but better ask first.
- Her boobs