Like Steph... we here at D&M HQ had a bloggy xmas party too... except there was less over all good will and kind wishes in the air... and more angry, nasty and drunkity. This is how it all went down...
Puss turns up first... dressed head to tow in designer gear. She looks dot and mars up and down with haughty distaste. Mars offers her a beer and she almost falls off her 6 inch stilletos... lucky for dot to the recsue with a 'mock-tail'... little does puss know, we've spiked the mock-tail with fruity lexia. Soon enough, puss ditches the shoes and gets into the swing of things. She even allows herself to sit on the toilet seat AND use the recycled toilet paper! Dot, mars and puss make unlikely new lifelong friends in each other.
Mex and scruffy arrive... scruffy licks everyone hello and mex calls out to OMel... "HEY MOLE!"... dot points out that that isn't actually OMel, it's just mars dressed as OMel... Mex doesn't mind too much as the greeting still fits.
Mars giggles like a school girl anticipating the arrival of Davey...
Martie turns up... takes one look around and then leaves again. As does chestiii...
Surfercam and intitals JB rock up. Sufercam's got a slab up on one shoulder, and JB over the other. Dot opens the door to them, stands there dumbstruck and calls out..."uh... Mars?" With one great HA! the door is slammed in their face (well, sufercam's face/JB's arse). "but what if i read you guys some of my haiku?" says JB through the door. Another HA! ensues. Surfercam gives her a slap on the arse, and they're off, on their way back up to the train station to drink their slab.
Kiki, mr mitch and scum turn up with a bottle of pimms each. Before long (about 45 minutes if i remember correctly), scum has knocked off his bottle of pimms and is puking out in the front yard. Mr mitch, bouncing off the walls like a 9 year old on a cocktail of red cordial and crack, takes responsibility for scum and puts him to sleep in the backseat of the car, where scum contiues his vomiting rampage. Mr mitch has lost interest in taking care of/laughing at scum now, and has moved on in life... Kiki's sister appears from somewhere and winds the car window down so scum can puke out there.
This old dude turns up... no-one knows who the fuck he is, but he's bought beer, so we let him in. Later it comes out that here's here to see OMel...
D'jen turns up, has a few champagnes and loosens up before settling the crowd for a 'big announcement' she's got to make. She starts out real soft... "uh... guys? there's something i've been meaning to tell you... ummm, uhhhh, i think i'm gay" etc.
The big news was kinda underwhelming, as it seems that pretty much everyone already knew this, except for jen. But she's happier now that it's all out in the open, and there's group hugs all round. She goes outside with Enny for some air and a short deep and meaningful, where jen admits to her that she's got something to share... it's Buzzz (for a natuaral high - and 100% vegan!)... so they both do some Buzzz (whatever the fuck that is and come back inside)...
Only to find Steph passed out in the middle of the room, and everyone else snorting coke of her naked body! Woot!!! I guess she peaked too early...?
Finally davey rocks up... mars puts on her 'sex eyes' and rushes over to introduce herself (and offer her virginity)... only to find out that davey's actually really SHORT. Disappointment reigns.
A kiwi turns up... no-one knows who he is either, but he's bought beer with him, so we let him stay too. Turns out he's here for OMel as well.
But Omel is no-where in sight!
There is dancing happening... Audrey has arrived and she and Mars are doing the "ROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRR" dance... ala Little Miss Sunshine. They looked gooooood.
Where's scum gone? Mars has a new love interest and she goes off to find him... this one's more her style now as he's now borderline comatose. "Scam? SCAM!? Wake up!" Mars 'whispers'/slurs into his face. Scum turns his head and hurls out the window of the car again. Mars is thankful it's not on her, so she leaves scum/scam to lie in his own puddle of voms.
Mex stumbles back in and asks if anyone's seen OMel cause there's two dudes outside comparing notes on their carnal knowledge of her. Next thing you know... OMel has turned up with a whole heap of people in tow... turns out she's been out on a tour, but didn't want to miss the party so she's bought the tour group with her.
A young kid with a lame hair style who's arrived with OMel, comes up to mars and says "uhh... hi... remember me?" OMFG mars leaves a little bit of poo in her pants. It's fucking Emo! He's back! No... he's not back, he on the tour with OMel. "Uh... dot? mars?" says emo... "Do you mind if i stay here for a while? i've kinda got no-where to go..."
"Uh sure, emo... you might aswell" says dot... "your room's still exactly the way you left it..."
"18 FUCKING MONTHS AGO YOU CUNTING ARSE-HAT" says mars from the grave.
Seeing as mars/the life of the party is now dead, that's the end. Everyone packs up and goes home.
5 years ago