I have been following someone i went to primary and high school with, around the internet for nearly two years now. I can't say we were BFFs at the time, but we were friends... our younger brothers were friends, our mums were friends. I wanted to be her then, and i want to be her now. These are my reasons why:

• She lives in america
• In a beautiful house with ralph lauren paint on the walls
  
• She finished uni and did her degree in creative writing
• Is a lesbian, which i find kinda intriguing
• She's really creative and makes beautiful things
• And photographs them
• She's in love with someone who loves her
• She's been to SXSW twice (once as part of her job!)
• I love her naturally straight and blonde hair

Superficial? Without a doubt. But look at that hair!

I've never actually communicated with this girl the whole time i've been following her around the internet... and it seems wrong that i know so much about her life. Am i entitled to know all this? She's put it on the internet for anyone to find (though to pay homage to my skillz, it did take some digging around), am i really being sneaky and sly or am i just seeing what's been made available to me? Do i really know as much as i think i do?

I guess some people say similar about reading the blog of someone they know in real life... They're only looking at what's been put out there for a non-descript audience. Though in saying that, i would be pretty pissed if someone i knew started reading this blog, and didn't let me know.

Anyway, conveniently enough, she's just created another medium for me to follow her around the internet on... lo and behold, a blog. And to be honest, for someone who did a whole degree in creative writing, i thought it'd have been a whole lot more engaging, but i was left unimpressed. Now i'm kinda tempted to comment and see if she finds me out. She'd be dense if she couldn't work it out... basically from the information i've given away in this post alone, i could only be one of about five people. Less even, given i said our brothers were friends.

But i probably wont comment... cause let's face it, after she knows i've been stalking her for two years, i'm not confident she's going to want to know me and will therefore probably take all her shiz offline. Then where will i be?

My two most hated things are sport and animals.

Get this... for the first time in about 15 years i actually touched a cat this weekend. I pat it almost affectionately, even. It was ok... until the thing wanted to climb on me. That's where i draw the line... give (an animal) an inch and it will take a mile. In addition to this out of character act of random kindness, today i saw a police horse and found myself stopping and staring at the thing, thinking 'what an amazing beast'.

I don't understand this change of heart and my sudden and apparent kinship i seem to have with these animals.

That said, sadly for all involved during these most olympic of weeks, the same can't be said about sport. This must be the most successful Olympics ever for Team GB and oh my god, the whole country (as any country worth its salt when its team starts doing well) is on board. Every day i am accosted by some over zealous fair-weather fan with the latest up date in Team GB's medal winners and/or to let me know, cause i care, that team GB are sitting an amazing third on the medal tally. That's one (or two, depending on the day of the week) places ABOVE Australia.

AWESOME WORK TEAM GB.

This has got to be one of the worst performances Australia has given in the Olympics for ages, right? News over here on our team is fairly non-existant, so i don't even know if Jana Pitman and Tamsyn Lewis have clawed each other's eye balls out yet. Are those two even still in it, or are they 'commentators' or some shit now?

Anyhoo... SPORT. Who gives a fuck? So you can run really, really fast... NICE ONE. You spend you're whole life consumed by running or swimming really, really fast. How am i supposed to take any of it seriously? I can do some stuff fast too... you don't see me making a fuss though, do you.

A topic so trivial it MUST be blogged about:

The Australian Olympic Team's opening ceremony uniforms!

On Friday night I dragged Blane down to our local bar to watch the Opening Ceremony. I'm not ashamed to say it's my favourite part of the Olympics. I find it so fascinating; it's just such an overt show of nationalism (or 'fascism', take your pick) that would be embarrassing in any context other than the seemingly politically and socially mute arena of SPORT.

Anyway, I promised Blane we'd just enjoy one drink, watch Australia march out at the start of the parade and then leave. Unfortunately the Chinese alphabet mixed things up and Australia came out at the end, so we ended up sitting through the entire spectacle.

I loved the uniforms. I loved the conservative blazers and caps, I loved the kaftans, I loved the colours.

The American team won the preppy award...

However, I didn't love the Australian uniform...

My first reaction was, like 21 million other people, 'They're wearing the wrong colours!'

So I wasn't surprised to read the Australian headlines the next day:

Athletes' uniform 'Un-Australian' and The French and Italians were chic, the Americans went for classic... and we looked like volunteers

I didn't think too much more on the topic (because doesn't everyone EXPECT to be un-impressed by the Australian Olympic uniform?) until I watched the New York Times 'Opening Ceremony Fashions' video. See it here.

Eric Wilson's commentry is astute and then... hilarious!

Spoiler alert (quick, watch the video!)...










Wilson basically takes a look at the blazer trend and finds it 'traditional' and 'poorly made' and, at best, 'decent looking'. However, at the end of his overview of Olympic fashion he turns his eye to a less formally dressed nation and remarks, "As far as I'm concerned the team with best style this year came from Australia."

!!!! ?

Wilson goes on to say the Australian uniform was so "completely eye-catching and it made you want to find out who made these jackets."

It was Sportscraft! He'll get a surprise.

WILSON THEN COMPARES THE AUSTRALIAN UNIFORM TO PRADA: "Miuccia Prada really used this degrede style in her 2007 acessories collection." He concludes, "Who ever made these uniforms really has their finger on the pulse of what's happening right now in fashion."

Gosh and golly. Plain and pedestrian Sportscraft being adulated next to Prada. Now THAT makes me proud to be Australian.

It's a fine line between pleasure and pain...

I went to a comedy night tonight... which was basically a whole heap of hacks going for cheap laughs. The standard, fat guy making jokes about starving Africans, ginger's making jokes at their own expense and the all too common inherently racist and sexist 'jokes' that you cringe at while most of the rest of the audience are in absolute stitches.

I know i have a sense of humour, and i love to laugh at shit i find funny, however, jokes about domestic violence, rape and outright racist or homophobic 'jokes' really get up my arse.

Am i taking the whole scenario too seriously? Should i just 'loosen up' or whatever? I don't know... I do know that it just takes one or two people who, let's face it, probably aren't bad people... make a joke in utter poor taste to try and get a laugh, and end up spoiling what would otherwise have been quite good.

Surely there's a better way to get a laugh other than making fun of people who can't fight back?

Life update…

JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it only took five weeks. Not too shabby.

Although. Does ‘unpaid internship that will eventually lead to casual hourly employment that MIGHT eventually lead to contracted fulltime work’ actually count as a job?

Blane assures me this is a fairly typical way of finding employment in America. However, I have an inkling in my your-rights-at-work-are-worth-fighting-for bones that I’m being ripped.

I come from a land where ‘unpaid training’ is ILLEGAL.

I come from parents that drive around in cars with ‘MUA HERE TO STAY’ stickers on their bumpers.

I come from a sharehouse where I used to live with a union rep. (Hi Mars!).

Seems to me like ‘land of the free’ translates into the ‘land of the free labour’. And if you aren’t lucky enough to have the support of someone who’ll essentially KEEP you while you dilly around with unpaid internships… well, you can just go work in the ‘land of the minimum wage’. And stay there!

Yeah, it’s only for those who can afford it!