Your pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster is not cute, to the rest of the world. No-one, i repeat, NO-ONE, finds your pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster half as adorable as you seem to.
Thusly, please keep your pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster and it's hair dropping/ clawing/ slobbering/ rabid-self the fuck away from me, if at all possible.
Furthermore, if you must bring your completely un-cute pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster to my house, please keep it the fuck off my furniture. SRSLY. And when i glare at you, because you've got it on my furniture... that doesn't mean ignore me, as though i'm being completely unreasonable towards your adorable pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster... it really means start running, cause i'm gonna kill it/ you/ who-the-fuck-ever.
Also, if you don't want me to knee your
And just once more, so it really sinks in... it's not cute, and no i wont just pat it to say hello.