25 April 2007

Pet Etiquette
...with Mars

Your pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster is not cute, to the rest of the world. No-one, i repeat, NO-ONE, finds your pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster half as adorable as you seem to.

Thusly, please keep your pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster and it's hair dropping/ clawing/ slobbering/ rabid-self the fuck away from me, if at all possible.

Furthermore, if you must bring your completely un-cute pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster to my house, please keep it the fuck off my furniture. SRSLY. And when i glare at you, because you've got it on my furniture... that doesn't mean ignore me, as though i'm being completely unreasonable towards your adorable pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster... it really means start running, cause i'm gonna kill it/ you/ who-the-fuck-ever.

Also, if you don't want me to knee your rodent pet dog/ cat/ goldfish/ hamster in the guts, best you either call it off, or keep hold of its lead, just a little bit closer to yourself. Learn to train that shit.

And just once more, so it really sinks in... it's not cute, and no i wont just pat it to say hello.

FUCK OFF.

6 comments:

LadyXandria said...

I take it you don't like pets LOL.

DelightfulJen said...

I quite like pets and animals, but I am a firm supporting of no pet visits.

I have an Aunt who insists on bringing her lap dog to my Grandma's house when she visits, it messes up the lawn, chases her cat and makes everything smell like dog.

All perfectly reasonable points, Mars :)

kiki said...

mars,
i just (kinda) got a dalmation. you'd absolutely LOVE HIM
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO

actonb said...

Oh totally.

Same goes for children...

Hell is Other People's Children.

(Having said that, I've probably been guilty of it on mor than one occasion - the kids, not the pets - but I'd leave them at home if it was legal!)

redcap said...

So not cool to bring your pet to someone else's house. We had a friend of a friend come over with his fricken dog and our cat was traumatised for days afterwards. Needless to say he has been told that if he ever brings his dog to our house again, Bloke's cranky wife will rip his lungs out :)

Chris said...

The only thing I dislike more than dogs is dog owners.

Yes, this is a sweeping generalisation. I care not.

When you are shouting "he's only playing" as your monstrosity hangs off of my forearm and I am shaking him/her off, don't be surprised if I accidentally flip it into oncoming traffic.