Dot and Mars: You can't stop us, cause we like doing it

I've just started a new job, which as of yesterday, i have been in for 14 days. And it sucks shit. I'm in a bit of a predicament though, you see... while this new job is a 12 month contract (thus offering me a guaranteed income, paid holidays, quite good salary etc.) they're all over my arse.

Those who know me would know that my work ethic is somewhat... lack-luster. I just wanna come in to work (at any time within an hour of my official starting time), play on the internet, email my mates and talk on the phone a bit. I'm happy to do a bit of work as well, but really, i just wanna do my own thing and have people leave me the fuck alone.

I knew from the out-set that this job was no good when i realised on the first day: no internet. So i went out and got really fucking quite drunk that night, mourning the loss of the internet i never had. To be fair, i thought i'd done an out-standing job getting to work at all the next day, and considered the fact that i was only 20 minutes late on my second day, insignificant.

My boss, who i think looks exactly like a Busty Wench, happened not to see things in my exact light, and i got blasted. We were off to a good start... Other things happen during the week, for instance, i got told off for having my phone on my desk... not actually talking on my phone, i could just SEE it. Anyway, i get the definite feeling over the next couple of weeks that i'm being watched... i did initially think i was being a tad paranoid, but turns out I WAS ON THE MONEY.

Anyway, so far, this work has been too "busy" since i started and no one has really had any time to give me the time of day train me on anything, and instead i have been given these sort of odd-jobs... archive this, re-write these envelopes, file that. So to pass the time, i've been emailing everyone and anyone i thought might write back.

I got called into my 'big bosses' office yesterday and was presented with A 16 PAGE REPORT listing all of the 600-700 emails i've sent over the last 14 days. And i pretty much got the shit ripped through me. At first, i was all... hmm, looks like i fucked up (again?)... So i said sorry and told them i'd stop with the email conversations... but that feeling didn't last long, and then i was all.. you have GOT to be fucking joking.

So i went back to my desk and sat there sniffing my permanent marker in defiance for the rest of the afternoon.

Need new job.