31 March 2008

My Life as The Temp
by Mars

Day can-i-have-my-soul-back-now-please
Have recently discovered the joys of soup for the highlight of my day lunch. Which is okay. And this week, i had soup, with one of those small dinner roll things. So lunch time rolled around (snort!), i microwaved my tinned soup and went to the fridge to choose from the about 7 tubs of butter sitting in there, to spread on my roll.

And repeat, for a couple of days in a row.

Anyway, so my friend says to me one morning... "Oh, PS... i'd bring your own butter in from now on". Apparently i'd been using Les Paterson's butter, and he's had a moan about it. Fucking typical, he moans about everything.

So i bring my own butter in and carry on with my business. Till the topic of conversation arises again about people's food in the staff fridge, where i am informed that people do 'things' to their food, so other people won't eat it.

"What sort of 'things'?" says i, with images of carrots being violated, swimming through my mind. "Well, some people spit in their milk" i am informed. "And Les Patterson, has put chest hairs in his butter, after you got into it".

I liked my life better before i had this information.

Not one to just be told, i go into the kitchen and check out Les Patterson's butter... and sure enough, she was right. It was then i spotted an unassuming tub of Philadelphia cheese sitting there, with a post-it note stuck on top.

"DON'T EAT - I'VE COUGHED ON THIS"



Fuck me side-ways.

5 comments:

Angelina said...

Dear god. That is retarded.

Felix for Zosia said...

No no no no no no no. That is NOT ok. I am praising Cheesus to be working from home right now. Maybe you should take a pic of the note(s) and submit to passiveaggressivenotes.com, or just check out the site so you know you are not alone - might make you feel a bit better?

gigglewick said...

no doubt they'd be close friends with my friend J, who is known to cough

*scab*

whenever anyone eats cereal at work using "work milk".

Mars said...

WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!!!

Amy said...

Is it sad that this doesn't surprise me? I've worked in an office before where the microwave grew furry hairs and the fridge door was sticky-taped shut to stop the smell from escaping. Government employees are so civilized.