I thought it was funny, but I am inbred. However, Mars didn't want me to post it, she was paranoid her boss was reading this blog. Now, on the eve of Mars starting a new job, I say, 'Sucks to her boss!'
And, it is my pleasure to present...
A conversation with Dot and Mars
Mars: oh there you are... i knew you were there
Dot: You get travel agent job?
Mars: noooo :(
Dot: New plan of attack?
Mars: kill myself. jump off balcony…
Dot: Hmmm... that's not really a way FORWARD.
Mars: well... we're only on third floor, so more likely i'd just injure myself quite badly
Dot: Then you could live as a vegetable! you might like that... someone would feed you and wheel you around...
Mars: wouldn't it be you? who is this 'someone'?
Dot: I don't know, someone like Lou from Little Britain.
Mars: heh sucker
Dot: I was speaking on the phone to Mum the other day and my brother had shown her my facebook account and Mum says to me, 'Why aren't I your facebook friend? Aren't I good enough?!?' She was quite indignant.
Mars: does she have a facebook?
Dot: No. She didn't understand.
Mars: my mum's on...
Dot: Really? Is she your friend?
Mars: yes of course
Dot: Has she seen your hair? Has she seen the smoking pic?
Mars: probably. i don't care.. i'm 27!
Dot: Good point. Still, I WISH you'd take that photo of me smoking down.
Mars: get over it Dottie
Dot: Anyway, got any gossip?
Mars: not really.. noy
Dot: You applied for any jobs?
Mars: well... i haven't applied for any specific jobs. did i tell you i'm on performance management? OH i haven't told you!
Dot: What is that? (And 'No' you didn't say)
Mars: last week i got bollocked at work for having too many sickies. so i had to come up with something good... a good excuse, ya know
Dot: Oh... how many sickies?
Mars: not that many... only 4 (in 3 months) and yes they're paid
Dot: That's not that many!
Mars: that's what i reckon... they don't understand it's the australian way. Anyway, guess what I told them?
Dot: Urinary tract infection?
Mars: not depression... better than that
Dot: Um. No idea... what?
Mars: i'll give you a clue... it's bought on by 'stress', specifically... stress at work
Dot: Anxiety attacks?
Mars: close, anxiety 'brings it on' too
Dot: Cramps? Nausea?
Mars: no... it's recurring
Dot: Say it! Period pain?
Mars: 'flares up' occasionally
Mars: ha no... i'm too poor for gout
Dot: WHAT IS THAT?
Mars: so embarrassing.... that's why i didn't tell them about it… irritable bowel syndrome!!!!!!!!!
Mars: best disease ever
Dot: How did they take it?
Mars: very sympathetic. luckily i read all about it on wikipedia the night before
Dot: So it'll probably be okay to continuing being sick once a month?
Mars: well... yeah. but, thing it... now i'm on performance management it means i need a doctors note every time i have a day off
Dot: Too bad.
Mars: one more day off and i go on to level 2... much worse. not arsed at all. if anything... the pressure of not being able to have days off is going to make me ill
Dot: I might go now. I gotta apply for some jobs
Mars: aim high
Dot: Yes, gotta join those upper upper upper classes... then move back to Australia and say 'stuff-you' to the class system! And... you aim high too. Or at least just 'aim'. Okay?
Mars: just aim... goddit
Mars: bye nerd