18 September 2008

I wanted to post this a few weeks ago...

I thought it was funny, but I am inbred. However, Mars didn't want me to post it, she was paranoid her boss was reading this blog. Now, on the eve of Mars starting a new job, I say, 'Sucks to her boss!'

And, it is my pleasure to present...

A conversation with Dot and Mars

Dot: Chat?

Mars: oh there you are... i knew you were there

Dot: You get travel agent job?

Mars: noooo :(

Dot: New plan of attack?

Mars: kill myself. jump off balcony…

Dot: Hmmm... that's not really a way FORWARD.

Mars: well... we're only on third floor, so more likely i'd just injure myself quite badly

Dot: Then you could live as a vegetable! you might like that... someone would feed you and wheel you around...

Mars: wouldn't it be you? who is this 'someone'?

Dot: I don't know, someone like Lou from Little Britain.

Mars: heh sucker

Dot: I was speaking on the phone to Mum the other day and my brother had shown her my facebook account and Mum says to me, 'Why aren't I your facebook friend? Aren't I good enough?!?' She was quite indignant.

Mars: does she have a facebook?

Dot: No. She didn't understand.

Mars: my mum's on...

Dot: Really? Is she your friend?

Mars: yes of course

Dot: Has she seen your hair? Has she seen the smoking pic?

Mars: probably. i don't care.. i'm 27!

Dot: Good point. Still, I WISH you'd take that photo of me smoking down.

Mars: get over it Dottie

Dot: Anyway, got any gossip?

Mars: not really.. noy

Dot: You applied for any jobs?

Mars: well... i haven't applied for any specific jobs. did i tell you i'm on performance management? OH i haven't told you!

Dot: What is that? (And 'No' you didn't say)

Mars: last week i got bollocked at work for having too many sickies. so i had to come up with something good... a good excuse, ya know

Dot: Oh... how many sickies?

Mars: not that many... only 4 (in 3 months) and yes they're paid

Dot: That's not that many!

Mars: that's what i reckon... they don't understand it's the australian way. Anyway, guess what I told them?

Dot: Urinary tract infection?

Mars: better!

Dot: Depression?

Mars: not depression... better than that

Dot: Um. No idea... what?

Mars: i'll give you a clue... it's bought on by 'stress', specifically... stress at work

Dot: Anxiety attacks?

Mars: close, anxiety 'brings it on' too

Dot: Cramps? Nausea?

Mars: no... it's recurring

Dot: Say it! Period pain?

Mars: 'flares up' occasionally

Dot: GOUT!!!!!!

Mars: ha no... i'm too poor for gout

Dot: What?!?!?!

Mars: IBS


Mars: so embarrassing.... that's why i didn't tell them about it… irritable bowel syndrome!!!!!!!!!

Dot: LOL!

Mars: best disease ever

Dot: How did they take it?

Mars: very sympathetic. luckily i read all about it on wikipedia the night before

Dot: So it'll probably be okay to continuing being sick once a month?

Mars: well... yeah. but, thing it... now i'm on performance management it means i need a doctors note every time i have a day off

Dot: Too bad.

Mars: one more day off and i go on to level 2... much worse. not arsed at all. if anything... the pressure of not being able to have days off is going to make me ill

Dot: I might go now. I gotta apply for some jobs

Mars: aim high

Dot: Yes, gotta join those upper upper upper classes... then move back to Australia and say 'stuff-you' to the class system! And... you aim high too. Or at least just 'aim'. Okay?

Mars: just aim... goddit

Dot: BYE!

Mars: bye nerd

1 comment:

Wood said...

Mars - are we the same person?! I've used IBS too! I've even talked about pooing in a cup for extra detail. Ok, so I did pick up long term food poisoning (long story) which has probably contributed to my stomach problems to date, but I'm pretty sure I don't have IBS.