I was wondering last night, if it must be strange for people here, to have me in their life. It's like, i come with no context. There are no people around who know me... i could be living a complete double life... i have no history. It's a really bizarre feeling, living without people you have lived with for a significant part of your life... because i guess, like it or not, these people define you to some extent.
I'm a rock
I am an island.
I'm an enigma.
I'm a ring-in.
I'm a fucking stray.
I've made some good friends in Manchester, who i'd really like to know 'my' people. It's weird, i find myself talking a lot about Dot, which i guess it quite understandable, given that we've been BFFs for the best part of 10 years... and also my brother, which is slightly less expected given my relationship with him has always been kinda tumultuous.
Thing is, in some ways i've found it liberating to just escape pretty much, my whole life. I think it was pretty obvious when i decided to come away from home that i needed to change so many aspects of what was going on at that time... be it work, home, friends, family... i'd become stagnant and wasn't really in a good spot. And i blame no one but myself for it, but it's really hard to change just one aspect of your life... because all the others kind of bring you back. If you understand what i'm trying to stay? So instead, i guess it just seemed easier to do one, and get the fuck out.
Thing is though, i'm here now... and i guess the one thing i really wanted or needed to change wasn't in fact my work, home, friends or family... it was me. Sadly, i seem to have followed me all the way to the Northern 'Sphere and truth be told, i'm struggling to come to terms with it. What are you meant to do when you're sick of your own company? I actually bore myself some times.
5 years ago