08 October 2008

I've always considered internet dating the final frontier. Basically, if there's no one on the internet for you (and let's face it, the whole world's on the internet), then where to from there? You're screwed.

Anyway, Columbo has a friend who has had some success on this website where your friend writes a profile for you, telling the world how great you are... then someone comes along and clicks on your head - next thing you know you've got a house in the suburbs, you drink coffee, you've got a couple of squawkers nipping around your ankles and you're living the dream.

So i figured, for a couple of reasons, that i could probably do this internet dating thing without too much humiliation given that i didn't really know anyone here in Manchester who would stumble upon my profile and send it to my whole office (just ya know, for example... errr) and also, i didn't really know anyone here in Manchester and i could do with meeting some people.

Who else would i ever turn to for a profile? You guessed it, my old friend Dot. She wrote me a wonderful piece testement to all my good points... and i left this profile, along with a picture of my head, on that website for approximately four days... before i shit myself and took it down. Some people had clicked on my head, i had two emails (which i couldn't even read cause i didn't want to pay), but i thought what was written on my profile made me sound a little... well, weird. I deemed it a little bit too in-jokey between Dot and i (what's not in-jokey, eh?) so took it down.

Some time passesd and i thought i might like to try it again but thought Dot might get annoyed if i asked her to write me another profile... so i asked my friend Marge. She took absolutely weeks to come up with it, so i was really expecting great things. I was disappointed at her ineloquent effort which basically said that i was 'quite independent but would like to settle down if someone will have me' in not so many words. I didn't hold this against Marge though, i mean, that's what she did, so she probably thinks it's quite ok. Anyway, that got canned straight away.

Running out of friends to ask, i mentioned to Columbo that i needed a profile. She said she didn't think she knew me well enough and didn't wanna do it... that was until i showed her what Marge had written and she agreed that no, that wouldn't do at all. So she's agreed to write me this profile, however that must have been about three weeks ago now and still, nothing...

Short of getting my mum to write me a bloody profile or writing it myself, i really am losing all faith in the system. If it's this hard to even get 'out there' i dread to think what these 'date' things are going to be like.

Please, just shoot me now.


Angelina said...

Haha! For me, the internet is the first frontier! I just can't stand meeting people in person. I'd rather vet them first behind the safety of my computer screen. It's easier to dump them too.

Mex said...

i made my friend go on a certain dating site and all she got was old people and weirdo's. i reckon its fraught with danger and you need to be on your toes dude.

get kiki to write your profile!

Mars said...

oh i'm sure kiki would write a glowing testament to me... ha.

Original Mel said...

Ohhhhh, internet dating. I always feel I meet enough freaks in real life, I hate to think about the freaks, weirdos and psychos I would attract on the inter-web.

But, you know, good luck or something.

kiki said...


and i'll get Aphro to help, so you know it's better
plus, i'd wanna write something good and have you show me all the profiles of the people contact you


tell her i'll be good mex!

Wood said...

I was close to joining that certain website too. But I got cold feet for a number of reasons;

1. I work at a place where if anyone gets a whiff of inter office romance their face gets projected on screen with their accomplice and a massive line is drawn to connect them. This is in front of 300 of your fellow employees. This level torture extends to anything slightly embarrassing found on ANYONE. They would have a field day with me.

2. I just can't. I'm not ready to face the fact that I truly suck at picking up.

Columbo said...

please follow link

Columbo said...

just one more thing....

"running out of friends to ask..."


do one, yeah?

Mars said...

keeks, for the sake of the exercise, i'm interested to see what you would come up with. go on then.. let's see if you're any more timely than c-bo!

and co-bo, while many friends, there are few i would ask this esteemed (arduous?) task of!