Dear Dot,

My advice to you: Don't knock it till you've tried it. Banality Tuesday coming right up.

Atleast, it would be if i knew exactly what banality meant. Besides, it wasn't exactly dancing as such, more... swaying about trying now to fall over/look too spasticated. Anyway, obviously an EXTREMELY appealing look for some. As i say... don't knock it till you've tried it.

Glad you've settled in up at the wilderness. When are you meant to be getting home, anyway? Speaking of which, my friend i mentioned who is coming to stay, arrives next week. The one i met in America. Too bad you wont get to meet her, she's pretty tops. Anyway, i was wondering if she could sleep in your bed? I know i told you NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES to let anyone EVER EVER EVER sleep in my bed, but i know you're a lot less up-tight about these sorts of things that i am... If not, it doesn't matter... i'll put her in the spare room. But let me know.

Have you got the camera cord yet? Does your mum know where to find it?

No, haven't returned the library book yet. Is that bad? I'll do it on the weekend. It's cold and dark early here now, so the whole walking every night thing kinda died in the arse after the first night.

As for the bills - not sure. I'm evidently not doing a very good job at bills at the moment, as i today realised that my mobile has been barred. (hear that keeks?) Good news for the universe as the weekend approaches.

Have i re-decorated? Oh-ho-ho! There's a surprise waiting for you when you get home... JUST YOU WAIT!

In other news, i didn't get the job i applied for... probably over my head anyway, but i'm signifficantly disappointed, none-the-less. So much so, that i finally drunk those three beers that have been in the fridge for months. All in a row. Just now. And now i'm feeling a lot better/worse about the whole situation, really.

So i'm having a crisis. WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW? I said to Marge tonight that perhaps i'd just give up on the whole having a life thing, and go and have babies. She didn't even notice how offensive the statement actually was, which amused me.

So now i feel like i have no options. i need you here to be slightly drunk with me and come to my pity party... and with any luck, point out the plethora of options that haven't occurred to me.

Hey get this; Marge went with her friend to an over 28's nightclub in Sunshine last week. SUNSHINE! OVER 28's! Anyway, the friend who looks like a hat full of arseholes managed to find four separate dudes to pash. FOUR! Now that's the final frontier.

Keep on truckin'
Mars

Dear Mars,

Pashing the boss? Dancing? Blog stalking? 31 comments on a single post? When can I expect 'banality Tuesday'?

I am liking my job a lot, and when I'm not at work I get to go swimming at Little Waterfall. I left my camera-computer-connecter-cord at home but Mum is sending it up so I can show you some photos soon.

Have you returned my library book? Do I owe you any money for bills? Have you re-decorated? Please don't.

Love Dot

Flex says i have a *special* type of humour i keep all to myself.

Is this true?

If so, do you think it can be bottled?

Furthermore, is there a gap in the market-place?

I'm a bit skint, you see.

My blogging nemesis: Original Mel.

She's just like me, only better in every way. If i didn't like her style so much, i'd frigging hate her.

Where is this coming from, you may ask... Almost certainly that is a question OMel would be contemplating... And the answer may or may not be coming; i haven't decided yet.

Onwards...

I don't know how the hell i found her blog, but i have been around from the very beginning when the blog was still orange (which i liked better)... oh yes, i've been around. Anyway, i was kinda miffed when she didn't address me directly when responding to that first comment and rather, just called me "a comment!! A COMMENT"... I may have been somewhat over-sensitive.

So i boycotted her blog for a while in protest. Did anyone notice?

Yeah, but then i went back... at first it was totally on the sly, not commenting or admitting my presence... and then i started to like her again - i just couldn't help myself. So this went on for ages, right... and i was still quite convinced that she'd never given a shite about checking out things around D&M and i couldn't understand why. I mean, we are goddam freakin' awesome, right?

So things in our (ahem) relationship progressed and i started to occasionally comment on there. Which is when i realised why i'd been resisting her blog for so long.

I'm jealous. Dead jealous.

Firstly, she can compose a blog post much better than me
And more frequently than me
She is clearly smarter than me with a better paying job
She uses words i don't know the meaning of!
She could drink me under the table
And then come up with a heaps better story to tell her friends
She owns (well, has) her flat and i has nothing
Now she's heading off over-seas with an actual job lined up
An interesting job, no less
She rides a fucking motorbike
And has a crapper-load of friends

And that's why she's my nemesis. All those reasons, and probably more.

Anyway, i'm almost ready to accept this fact as last week came an all time high in my blogging career (ahem) when OMel said, and i quote... "I heart Mars"

And i nearly fell off my fucking chair.

THE FUCK? She knows i exist?

So anyway OMel, keep up the good blogging work and i'll try not to be too bitter and twisted about how much better you are than me.

This is just a tribute.

Was out tarting again last night, doing my thang on the dance floor... things are whurring and buzzing around me - everything is in order.

Then i notice this dude checking out my situation. So just like i do; i look the other way and ignore him.

But he's not so easily put off. He comes over...

Him: Wanna dance?

Mars: NUP!

Him: *goes and dies*

I CAN ONLY ASSUME.

Anyway, then i get to thinking... that may have been a bit harsh. I mean, i didn't even check out if he was good looking. So i go to try and find him, but i don't know which one he is; they all look the same.

And now i'm wondering if i've just slapped my desitiny in the face. WHAT IF HE WAS MY HUSBAND?

Tres distressed.

Question for the ages:

Which reality teevee star do i love more?

or

I just don't know.

Tomorrow is Harmony Day, whatever that is. So the powers that be at work have decided to celebrate our diversity. Yeah. Anyway, so you're encouraged to wear tradtional dress up or something to celebrate your religion or some such wank. THEN (in addition to advertising "what you are") you have to bring in some foodstuffs of your nationality or heritage or WHATEVER for morning tea.

GREAT.

Anyway, i'm not all that creative, so i ring my friend Marge (mother of three) and ask what to do. We (she) come up with this:

TOTALLY OZ.

So tell your friends that the trophy wife in training (me) has been up ALL NIGHT baking cup-cakes that have come out looking like giant blobs of snot.

And you know what else...

I don't have anything to wear, so i'm going as "an Australian" and wearing whatever the fuck i would otherwise wear.

BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HARMONY DAY SHITE ANYWAY?

So they can stick my green finger where-ever it fits.

Dear Dot,

Haven't you got like, SHIT TO DO OR SOMETHING?

Fuck man, you're so fucking stupid. FUCK.

No cup-cakes for you.

Mars

Dear Mars,

I arrived in Darwin fine and got picked up from airport straight away. No worries. But thanks for caring.

It turns out my boss here is Irish so I bizarrely found myself celebrating St Patricks day on Saturday with about 15 other balandas (non-Aboriginal people). We danced Irish jigs, ate stew and drank Guiness. My goodness!

Can you please return that library book I lent you? It goes to the local library, good excuse for a walk.

Love Dot

PS - MARS SUCKED HER BOSS'S FACE OFF!!

PPS - MARS IS AT WORK RIGHT NOW AND POWERLESS TO CHANGE MY POST

PPPS - anyway, it goes against the spirit of this blog to go changing other people's posts i reckon. hands off.

I was watching the Biggest Loser tonight, as i like to do... and suddenly got totally inspired! (raer)

So i waddled myself up to Safeway.

And bought donuts!

Only joking.

Or am i...?

I am, relax.

I bought all this healthy stuff for me to eat for lunch tomorrow, and dinner tonight. But now it's so goddamed late, i don't know if it's still acceptable to eat dinner, and wonder if i'd be better off with Cruskits.

Ah, the details of my life... FASCINATING.

I'm also thinking of going off the booze to help my ever-expanding cause, given that i think i killed another 10% of my brain cells this weekend.

But i like the booze.

Although i am an irresponsible train-wreck, at times.

Speaking of irresponsible train-wreck; my job (career?). I got an interview for the job i applied for later on this week.

I might get that job. Or probably i might not.

Either way, i'm going to endure yoghurt tomorrow.

FASCINATING.