When good bloggers go bad...

by Mars

So get this... Our resident Modest Earth Dweller has infiltrated my LIFE. Well, not exactly... actually, not at all, really. None-the-less... this is the scenario...

Mexie came to Melbs not long ago, and i didn't chicken out in going to meet her. I love the Mex... Anyway, ORMED came along too, for the kicks. We met Mex... drank beer and i ended up really wasted after my person was spiked with asprin then umm... well, the rest is a bit sketchy. Anyway, he said she was short... i didn't agree. There was some licking of faces and some fugly fucking fotos (TM) taken.

Got it?

So the fugly fucking fotos (TM) end up on facebook and my friend, Aphrodite, comments on a couple of them. ANYWAY, ORMED takes this opportunity to introduce himself to Aphrodite, completely ignoring the very existence (and ownership of the facebook) of ME. So the two of them make friends... there is messaging and texting and talking... Again, all of this ignoring MY wishes, not even consulting me for my blessing.

Loike, if i wanted them to be friends, i would have introduced them or something... BUT NO. These two think they're entitled to take LIBERTIES in life. How WRONG they were.

Fast forward 2 weeks and the pair of them are now practicing the making of the babies and both ignoring the existence of ME, even more-so than usual. I'm not happy, and as far as i'm concerned, there's NO DEAL and both of them still owe me one good looking friend... EACH. And i want quality.

I'm like, a modern day fucking cupid... which let's just say, is irony at its very best.

yo aphrodite,
rooting kiki? too bad he's...
got the yogurt dick.

(dedicated to Mars as her worlds collide)

You can't stop me cause I'm drunk...

High school was a long time ago but it seems I still have some of the fifteen-year-old bitch within:

Dot said...

censorship: it's like living in nazi germany. do you realise how low you've sunk?

2:53 PM

Mars said...

ooh... HARSH!

...but fair.

3:09 PM

Dot said...

oh. hi there mars. i didn't know you came here too.

3:14 PM

Mars said...

some times i like to see what's on the menu, read the poor man's version of haiku and see posey photos of someone else.

just sometimes though...

3:16 PM

Dot said...

i like it too. i like the sense of non-self-awareness that comes out of this blog. it's refreshingly pretentious. i like it how she writes to make herself look good, with no sense of irony or cliche. wonderful!

3:19 PM

Mars said...

i especially like it when she tells us all the brand names she's bought... except i usually don't know if i should laugh or cry.

seriously though, the 'poetry' is my favourite. intitials, when can we expect some more haiku?

3:22 PM

Dot said...

i HOPE we get some more haiku. i never know whether to LAUGH or VOMIT when i read it.

3:24 PM

Mars said...

there was a lame blog
t'was all about censorship
it tried to stop us

3:26 PM

Dot said...

dude, are you truly free-style haiku-ing!!?!?
you're amazing. you're Vietnamese Lemongrass Chicken cucletki Bronte beach bloody amazing!

3:29 PM

Mars said...

i prefer tater-tots in cheltenham, to be honest...

hey, initials... how about like, a haiku MC thing? you know what i mean... like they do in 8 mile. i can diss yo mamma, and you can tell me i've got a fat ass...

OR SOMETHING. how bout it?

dot and i will get you started...

3:32 PM

Dot said...

cest moi? (ie said 'cest mmmmwya!') i'm European fancy too.

okay.

there once was a girl
who liked cooking and herself
was a love-in fest

3:36 PM

Mars said...

there once was a girl
who didn't like dot and mars
can you tell us why?

3:38 PM

Dot said...

the problem with them
is that they do not worship
the myth of JB

3:41 PM

Mars said...

she's a shit driver
who smokes marlboro reds (hardcore)
who would worship her?

3:44 PM

God, I didn't know I had such meanness in me. Which is why it's good to blog. It's important to expose one's own weaknesses, the areas in which one might be slightly judgmental. Then one can 'know thyself', and rein the bitch within.

Goodnight!

you know who you are
why you delete our comments?
we like doing it

AND YOU CAN'T STOP US!

Haiku for Mexie

this is getting old
when are you coming back, mole?
need a pash or ram

facebook i can't quit
one of you has just been stalked
do you want to know?

kthxbye

More great haiku. I think i have a flair. (You can think Initials JB for what's coming...)

then i had a sleep
all the haiku i thought of
stolen by the beer

I read an 'inspired' piece of 'poetry' this week, which made me want to write some of my own.


drink much wine alone
i wear jocks with cats on them
cry myself to sleep


And i'd like to dedicate this little ditty to all the 'drop-kicks' out there tonight. MUCH LOVE!

Sometimes, I Surprise Myself…

At Le Bernadin last Saturday night one of the dishes for the degustation, which wasn't anywhere to be found on the menu, was a pile of crispy-fried tater tots with ketchup served with a green salad and peas and asparagus and a piece of toast with blue-cheese spread on it. It was just so good that it was pretty much all I could think about this week. The delicate, clean-flavoured tater tots balancing with the interesting green salad, slightly tacky on the palate. I had to have it again! So last night, after days of consternating, after reading every known recipe and technique, after convincing myself I would fail abysmally, I went about recreating it…

And it turned out just about perfect.

Quality tater tots are not new to these shores, and at $1 per pound, $10 worth will give you a lot of very happy moments. While tomato sauce is the Chanel of Australian sauces, ketchup is perfect accompaniment to the American potato ‘gem’. I think ketchup is better with this dish than tomato sauce, it needs that red oomph, that macho-ness, as opposed to the delicate sweetness of tomato sauce.

It was as simple as opening the plastic packet, spreading the tater tots over a baking tray, dusting with a little kosher salt (although regular salt would be just as good), and placing in a pre-heated oven. While the little gems baked, I mixed my ‘salad mix’ greens with freshly cut tomatoes and tinned Spanish olives. Don't use kalamata olives as they are too flavoursome. The weak watery dullness of the Spanish olive is what you need so it can be overwhelmed by store brought Ranch dressing.

I then put some bread into the toaster, and some frozen peas into a microwave safe dish with a dash of tap water. I microwaved the peas for three minutes till they were pregnant with succulent green flavour. I repeated this process with the chopped up asparagus (yes, using the whole spear of asparagus, it didn’t taste too bad). Then the toast popped and I spread it with lashings of mouldy cheese.

After 20 minutes I peaked into the oven and I cannot tell you how excited I was. I squealed when I saw the golden gems through the oven door. Yes, I squealed. Anyone with a half-interest in cooking and/or food blogs will know how delicate the issue of tater tots are. They are the 'it' indulgence around the world. They are the loveliest, daintiest of fried frozen oily potato.

I quickly served all the elements together on a plate while the gems were still steaming. I enjoyed this dish with my favourite lager of the moment; Old Habour Pilsner. However, next time I may go for something a little richer, perhaps Old Habour Stout.

Because there will be many next times for home-baked tater tots with green salad and microwaved vegetables… oh la la!

I think most of us will agree with this sentiment...


SRSLY.

Mere Male

Australian Women’s Weekly wouldn’t print this one, so lucky I’ve got a blog to share my hilarious stories about men who try hard and fail (for women who love to patronize them).

MM sent his brother in Boston a birthday package in the mail last week, however he was dismayed when the package was returned ‘Address Unknown’. MM was confused as he’d sent the package to the exact address his brother had told him via text message. So MM phoned his brother.
‘Hahaha!’ His brother laughed, ‘Where did you send it?’
‘123 Urgay Ave… just like you told me,’ MM replied.
‘Think about it, dude... 1 2 3... U R GAY.’

He sure is... (in the post-post-modern post-p.c. sense of the word)

I need more pashing and ramming in my life.

Ralph Macchio FAQ


How old was Ralph Macchio when he starred in Karate Kid I?

Ralph was actually born in 1961, making him around 22-23 years old when he played the lead role of Daniel in Karate Kid. So really... maybe they should have called it Karate Man. Ha-dee-ha!


Ralph was such a good-looking kid, ahem, young adult... why haven't we seen him in any other films except the Karate Kid sequels?

Because unfortunately Ralph grew up to become Tom Hanks, and Hollywood didn't need another one of those.